Sunday, January 30, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
We start off, briefly, in outer space, then we zoom all the way down to an American flag on somebody’s motorcycle jacket sleeve. It was probably important to somebody that we start out that way, but I didn’t learn anything from it. Then we have lots of people riding motorcycles down part of a road where “STOP” is clearly painted on the pavement. I’m guessing these people are not interested in being told what to do.
Then we’re traveling in a car with what might be the band members and a dog, but no one is wearing a name tag so it could be anybody. They seem to be going somewhere industrial, but it’s not really clear because the video producers thought it would be fun to shoot things with a shaky camera. At some point the lead singer, Stephen, must have fallen out of the car because he’s suddenly walking down the street all by himself.
So he starts singing the song and almost immediately runs into the side of a building. It doesn’t look like that was planned, but Stephen is a trooper and keeps going. Meanwhile, those people on the motorcycles are zipping all over town, and they’re already starting to get a little annoying. They need to get wherever they’re going and stay there. This is followed by a few shots of some geeky guy that most likely has dating issues.
Then we’re back in the car for a little bit, still driving toward who knows, and then cut to a venue where the band is playing. They seem very happy to be doing so, which is nice, and their happiness probably has something to do with the fact the Jesus is one of the guitar players. Nothing puts a smile on your face like Divinity in a jam session.
Everybody bops for a little bit, then we’ve got more of those damn motorcycles racing about. I’m not claiming to be a skilled motorcyclist, but I’m not sure these folks need to be in control of moving vehicles. We seem to be having difficulty with things like staying on the road and not running over people.
Cut to Stephen outside some produce market or some such, with lots of people pretending to not look at the camera as they mill about, waiting for something to happen. This batch of people doesn’t appear to be very happy, so they might be waiting for trials to start where they’ve been accused of involvement in unsavory activities. Stephen doesn’t care and just keeps singing. Then he starts walking down the street and interrupts some kissing lesbians. But instead of yelling at him, they yell at each other, so I don’t think that relationship is going anywhere.
And once more with the jam session at the unknown venue, where Jesus is just alright with them, then we have Stephen hopping excitedly down a sidewalk. Then he’s suddenly running very fast, so he must have done something very bad and has decided that he doesn’t want to be associated with the mischief. He runs for a very long time, to the point where we really don’t care what he did, we just want him to settle down.
Oh look, he’s stopped running and is just sitting on the sidewalk, then he suddenly gets very hyper and snarls at us. Then he does some more of that aimless bouncing around. (Does this burst of energy have anything to do with the “crystal meth” phrase that the censors distorted in the radio single? Just wondering.) Speaking of the radio version, this video apparently isn’t, because now Stephen is bellowing some lyrics that I’ve never heard before. So either Stephen is just making crap up on the fly or this is another example of the world not being what we think it is.
Okay, we’re finally back in familiar territory with words that I know, and here come those motorcycles again. (God!) Some of them even start driving around in a large circle, as if they know I’m having an issue with them and they are pushing it as far as they can. It looks like Stephen is standing in the middle of the circle, so we might actually be witnessing a cult celebration of some kind. As if to confirm this, a woman with really odd sunglasses briefly flashes on screen.
Now we have the motorcycle people just sitting around on their colorful rigs and comparing leather accessories. Then they all jump back on their scooters and start with the crazy-ass driving again. Cut to the band at that venue, where it appears that the folks in the very small audience have been hitting the eggnog a little too hard. Lots of pointless, uncontrolled dancing, some twirling, and stumbling, unisex-attired people are banging into each other and clutching at their heads. (Good thing Jesus is on hand in case something really bad happens that requires an impromptu confession.)
And that’s how we wind down, with shiny, happy people expressing rhythmic joy as the band finishes the song. Final scene is of a woman with cropped hair watching a moon landing on TV and appearing stunned that the flag being planted is the same as on that biker jacket that started this whole thing. She must not get out much…
Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.
Friday, January 28, 2011
We start off right away seeing the Carrie-inflicted damage to that “4-wheel drive”, with paint being keyed and headlights being smashed. No messing around here. This is intercut with Carrie on stage somewhere, she and her billowing hair preparing to sing the song. We get a quick image via a side-view mirror of Carrie carrying a baseball bat and sporting a jeans and leather outfit that is smokin’, so I’m already loving this video.
Carrie starts singing, and it’s clear that we’ve got some wind fans kicked into overdrive. Although the golden tresses look fab in this manufactured atmospheric disturbance, I’m concerned that Carrie might be blown off the stage and slammed into one of the roadie wagons. She only weighs about 3 pounds, so it could really happen, and some people won’t be happy about that.
Cut to shots of The Man Who Done Her Wrong smooching on the floozy who started all this mess, and although we can’t really see her face with his tongue in the way, she bears a striking resemblance to Kellie Pickler. I don’t know if this was intentional, or just one of those random things that happen in country music videos when the wrong people have access to beer and casting decisions.
Now we have Carrie wearing designer shades and a black leather jacket (have I mentioned smokin’ hot?), walking out of a parking garage with that infamous bat. She’s apparently marching toward Dumbass and Slutgirl, but before she gets there we cut back to Carrie on that stage kicking into overdrive with her revenge lyrics, followed by more images of vehicular manslaughter. Then we see Leather-Jacket Carrie toss the bat into a gutter, indicating that she don’t need no weapon to deal with that Cheatin’ Loser she lookin’ for.
Carrie is sashaying down some street where there are lots of clubs and women who haven’t seen their natural hair color since Reagan was in office. At first, Carrie is bothered by this crush of unknown people with pointless lives, but eventually she gets a little aggressive and starts shoving people out of the way. (Don’t mess with me, people. I had to deal with Simon Cowell AND Randy Jackson with his dogg thing. Get bent.)
More shots of Bad Boy and Bad Girl sucking face, as well as some nice neon signs for the local bars. Carrie’s still searching for the inevitable confrontation, so she has to throw a few more people out of the way. She’s about to stumble across them, but first we have to cut back to Carrie on stage, so she can belt some more of the song. We also seem to be having some sparks flying from somewhere. Not sure what that’s all about.
Oh good, we finally get to Carrie encountering Nasty Boy and Trampy Girl. She takes his car keys and dumps them into his drink, then marches away in a sexy but defiant manner. It’s very triumphant. But then things get a little weird.
All the sudden, Carrie is walking down the middle of a vacant downtown street. Sparks are flying off the surrounding buildings, and Carrie is doing some kind of shimmy waltz while a severe wind blows her hair back. Next thing you know, glass windows are exploding and shards are flying everywhere. It’s like Halle Berry got really pissed in one of the “X-Men” movies. Carrie is even making a snarling face, which is something that I would recommend that she never do again.
The song winds down with Carrie still in the middle of that street, the wind whip-tailing her hair and the ginormous earrings that some stylist picked out, unaware that Carrie was about to be subjected to a scene you would normally only see on the Nature Channel, on a show called “Heaving Winds of Death” or “Calamity on the Prairie”. But Carrie doesn’t care. She wiggles her hips in total domination, satisfied that she’s destroyed the most important thing in her ex-boyfriend’s life, and then does a dramatic profile shot that would make Jennifer Lopez proud…
Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Okay, folks, this one’s a toughie, because of the way the video was put together and the limited images that you can see. But hey, let’s give it a run and see what happens…
Right away they start off with this multi-screen effect, showing different things going on all at one time. This is fun to watch at first, because it’s busy and interesting, but you soon realize that there’s no actual story, just some themed imagery. There are basically just two things going on: Tom is sitting in an apartment playing his guitar, and Delilah is running around in another city in search of the rest of her skirt.
Since playing a guitar while sitting in a chair is all that Tom does, we can basically wrap up his story thread right here. He sits, plays, and sings. The end. Besides, although the song is pretty and everything, you can only get so much video footage out of somebody fingering their instrument. Things are a little slow, especially since the song is borderline emo and that’s a dangerous line to walk. You need some pep for a great video.
And that’s where Delilah comes in. This girl is busy, rarely staying still for longer than 1.3 seconds. She would never be happy in a quiet, acoustic apartment where not much is happening. This is probably why she chose to stay on the other side of the country until Tom gets it together. That “going to school” business is just a sham. Delilah’s a party girl. And this is her story.
Delilah starts off by wearing leg warmers with high heels, so you know she’s on the quirky side. She appears to be waiting for a subway, but she might just be there for the excellent selection in the vending machines. She also wears lipstick that accents the puffy trim on her hood, so she’s stylish as well.
Now she’s running up some stairs to another subway station. I don’t know if she realized she was at the wrong one, or if we were watching Tom’s fingers when she caught the first connection. Anyway, she steps out on this new platform, and this is where her skirt really makes its debut. Or perhaps I should say “lack of skirt”. I mean, it’s not super tawdry, like someone would barely wear in a Whitesnake video, but still, ain’t much there.
I guess the train is running late, because Delilah first appears restless, then starts walking around the platform, going faster and faster as if there are growing bladder issues or she’s fresh from a wax job. Next thing we know, she’s walking along a street, letting us see she owns one of those purses with the really short straps. (I’ve never understood those things, the way your purse is jammed into your armpit. Aside from potential moisture stains on expensive leather, how is that comfortable?) Delilah doesn’t care, and she and her restrictive purse continue waltzing up the street.
She crosses at an intersection, allowing her hood to flop down so we can get a gander at her ponytail, letting us know that she’s very sensible and doesn’t waste money and effort on hair products. Good for her. Then she gets to the other side of the street and pops the hood back on. She must be walking past the Vogue building and isn’t feeling quite as liberated about her coiffure.
Okay, Delilah has magically transitioned to some place where there’s lots of graffiti on the walls. There seems to be a mirror in all that mess, because Dee is staring into it and applying some cosmetics. This might be her own bathroom, and it looks this way because she ran out of Post-It notes, but I’m going to venture it’s a public restroom in one of those trendy places where you can substitute tofu for anything on the menu. Even the tofu.
It takes Delilah quite a while to apply, looking a little garish, so either she’s got an important meeting with a client who happens to be a pimp, or she’s a wee bit self-centered. After all, she’s supposed to be saving herself for the man across the country who is writing a hit song about her. She really shouldn’t be spending this much time dressing up the goods. But I’ve been out of the dating scene for a while. Maybe “relationship” these days means “I’ll sleep with you when you’re in town”.
Um, she’s still putting on that makeup. Geez.
Okay, now we’re back at the subway. Is this girl ever going to get where she needs to go? Poor thing. Oh look, she’s actually getting on one of the cars, so at least she’s made progress. Wait, now she’s back on the street, in a provocative pose concerning that questionable miniskirt. Then she’s back at a subway station with her leg warmers. Delilah, honey, stay in one place long enough for me to finish a paragraph.
Dee’s on the move again, back on a street, looking as if she’s contemplating taking a cab. I would strongly suggest that, Delilah. It’s becoming very clear that the workings of the subway system might be just a tad out of your grasp. Get into one of those nice, warm cars and let someone else figure out your destination. And remember to cross your legs.
Nope, she passes up the taxi and decides to run across some streets without looking either way. Then she’s walking on another street looking sad. This might be because the hot dog vendor behind her is out of sauerkraut. Then she’s walking by some benches, but doesn’t stop to rest, even though it’s obvious by now that she’s never going to get where she’s going.
Back at Tom’s, he finally ends the song and just stares at the floor, contemplating. Yeah, I hear ya, Tom. We just watched the video, too. Are you sure that Delilah’s really the one? Because there are lots of other girls out there with three syllables in their name, so it wouldn’t be too hard to re-record the song….
Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.
Monday, January 24, 2011
We start out with Adam and some woman with far too much makeup sitting in a car somewhere. Her fake eyelashes alone are so startling that it’s hard to follow the dialogue, but the main gist is that Makeup lied to Adam a bunch of times about something. When Makeup tries to explain, Adam interrupts by saying “it was probably my fault anyway”.
Dude, lying aside, do you even know what this woman looks like in real life. I haven’t seen that much pancake since I ordered the Fresh N Fruity at IHOP.
Cut to the band performing in a water runoff channel, possibly because the acoustics are just right. While Adam sings, the opening credits for this mini-film start flashing. Quick shot of Makeup practicing for a Victoria’s Secret gig in some hallway, then we have a gander at some obvious hookers standing near a building. Some person that we can’t see uses binoculars to focus on the hooker booties. That’s nice.
Next we have Adam and Makeup bumping uglies during apparently happier, non-lying times, then shots of the band, shots of another hooker, and shots of somebody with a trench coat running through water. (Who knows.) Suddenly, we see Makeup in bed with another man (the horror!) and Adam kicks the door in to catch them in the act. (He couldn’t just turn the knob?) There’s a confrontational scuffle, leading to Adam pulling out a gun and shooting Makeup’s new friend. Okay, then.
Now we’re on a roof with one of the other band members, James, and absolutely nothing happens before we cut back to Adam’s apartment where he’s dragging New Stud down the same hallway where Makeup was practicing just a few moments earlier. Then, out of nowhere, we see a stripper swinging on a pole. Seriously. Back to that roof, where some woman who never met a bottle of peroxide that she didn’t like exchanges carry-on luggage with James.
Shots of somebody running across another roof. No idea. And now it starts to really get crazy. Quick shot of supermodels bound-up on a boat, some other people tied up in the back of some vehicle, an extremely breasty woman doing something with a flag, somebody slamming a tailgate shut, Adam turning over a dining table while Makeup wears panties, another shot of the boat supermodels touching each other seductively, and yet another hooker smashing a bottle over someone’s head.
Still with me? There’s more.
More of the woman who loves her some stripper pole, suspicious people meeting in an alley, Adam and Makeup running down another alley, Adam shoving Stud Boy into a body bag (who keeps that kind of thing around the house?), one of the band members being chased by Cujo, Adam smashing a bathroom mirror with a baseball bat (because that accomplishes a lot), and multiple people getting their mug shots taken. Is there anybody nice in this video?
Cut to Adam and Makeup on some building, bridge, something high, throwing Stud Boy over the side while a security camera catches everything. Back to the parked car where this whole mess started, with Adam and Makeup still talking. We see that somebody (probably Adam, because he just has that sneaky look, but maybe not) is recording their conversation. Then I guess he and Makeup make up, because they get out of the car and hold hands while walking away. And the car blows up behind them.
What in gay hell?
We see that the breasty woman still has her flag, there’s a helicopter flying around where the boys are performing, Adam is driving another car really fast, the lesbian subplot on that boat is still developing, we still have random hookers, some of whom are fondling somebody in a dark bar, disembodied lips flashing across the screen, somebody checking their watch, people still tied up in the back of a car, and more mug shots. I don’t know who’s guilty of what any more, and I’m starting to not care. Perhaps another beer will help the situation.
And the video winds down with more flashing images. Police women with cleavage bouncing their way down yet another alley, people on rooftops, the lesbian cruise, airplanes, Adam being captured and interrogated by Playboy Bunnies, fingerprinting, that stripper who won’t stop twirling, something burning, the cast of “Burlesque” making a cameo, slobbering dogs, and the band still performing in that place where John Travolta raced for pink slips back in the day.
Final shot is of Adam in jail. Based on his friends and the cavalcade of women marching around with lethal weapons on their chests, this is probably the safest place for him to be…
Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
We start off with a quick shot of some boring traffic driving through an intersection, then the camera pans downward, taking us underground to some fancy place where Adam and the Lambertinis are doing their thing. First off, Adam and his mystical walking stick are marching down a gloomy hallway in slo-mo, with extras from “Buffy” walking behind him. They all sashay through a curtain into a club, with Adam waving that damn stick around.
While he belts out the song, we get glimpses of other people at the club, and the general theme is sophisticated trashiness. People are caressing wooden furniture whilst undulating their hips to indicate unsatisfied desire. (One unfortunate woman appears to have a raven chewing on her skull, so I would assume her hookup opportunities are limited. Poor thing. Guess she picked the wrong hair gel.)
Adam immediately takes center stage, with his leather jacket and his hair jacked to Jesus, and proceeds to own the room through sheer will. He’s a little too dependent on jabbing about with that walking stick, but that’s much better than grabbing his crotch rap-style, so we’ll give him that. We also seem to have lots of trampy girls lying on the floor, because legs swathed in fishnet stockings are being thrust in the air at random.
It soon becomes clear that this club is really not about dancing, based on the numerous shots of couples of all types thrusting tongues at each other. I’m fairly certain that no one is actually listening to the music, so I’m not sure why Adam is even here, but we’ll run with it for now. At the very least, we can pick up some tips on how to advertise your availability in dim lighting.
Okay, now Adam is sitting on a throne of some kind, and they’ve messed with his eyes (at least I think they have) so that he appears to be slightly demonic. I hadn’t really noticed before, but Adam sure has a very busy tongue. That thing is flopping all over the place. Is that why he can hit the high notes? Because he’s not getting enough oxygen and the falsetto is really a cry for help?
Anyway, back to the club proper, where people are pawing one another like there’s a prize if you touch enough nipples. Then the throne again, where Adam has managed to find a green snake that he is screwing around with, letting it roam about his body. (What the hell?) Then back out to the dance floor, where Adam has decided that it’s very important that he and some scantily-clad vixens do a line dance. Adam has yet another jacket with spiky things on the shoulders, so it’s very clear that he’s in charge and the strumpets better dance their asses off.
This bit goes on for a while, with both men and women clawing each other to touch Adam in some way. (Perhaps they want to do some snake-handling of their own?) There’s one segment where all the dancers are bent over and pawing at the ground like horses. I have no idea what it means, but it’s cute.
Now Adam is wandering through a tropical jungle. (I guess they don’t spare any expenses on décor in the L.A. clubs.) Anonymous hands are reaching out from the foliage to express their physical love for Adam. I hadn’t realized until now that Adam simply taking a stroll can cause so many people to reach instant orgasm. Maybe it’s that walking stick?
More diddling with the green snake on the throne.
And more of the jungle, with a jarring preponderance of females latching on to Adam and praying for a pre-nup. Not sure what that’s all about, since we all know by now that Adam’s Garden of Eden involves Adam and Yves, not Adam and Eve, but nobody asked me to storyboard this thing. Then again, “Will and Grace” might have been a hit, but if you startle too many of the red-state people there might be some difficult questions in the morning.
Back to the dance floor again, with Adam and his stick directing the dancers to shimmy and thrust like their lives depended on it. We also have shots of some stud being blindfolded with black lace. I’ve never understood this blindfold thing when it comes to bumping uglies. Why would you NOT want to see what’s coming at you in the bedroom?
Anyway, we roll into a montage of Adam playing Julie the cruise ship director on the dance floor, more of Adam doing some bungle in the jungle, and Adam still jacking around with that snake on his throne. Thrown into the mix are glimpses of very happy people wearing skimpy attire and sending out signals that they will sleep with anyone as long as there’s no drama or cab fare.
Oh, and we have a dramatic bit where somebody finally takes the blindfold of the stud, which causes Adam to sing the highest notes that he possibly can and the dancers to start misplacing most of their wardrobe. This leads to scenes with everybody in the club waving their hands over their heads while Adam over-dramatizes on the stage. Meanwhile, some skank with a severe hairdo wanders around behind wailing Adam and does nothing worthwhile.
We wind down with everyone in the club achieving some type of sexual-release milestone, apparently pushed to this destination by the fact that Adam is wearing black fingernail polish and has pointy things on his couture. The camera then pans back above ground, where bereft people are still driving about, completely unaware that sexual nirvana is just a few feet below them….
Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
I have no idea what is going on in this video, but we’ll give it a run.
We start out with somebody walking past a store where small children seem to be trapped behind glass. You’d think this would be an unsavory experience, but they seem to be smiling, so who knows. Then the camera starts whizzing around, jumping from one thing to another, and it’s very unclear what we’re seeing. (Was that Brad Pitt eating a corndog?) People are walking around in tight jeans and there seems to be an abundance of neon signs. And somebody who might be Martina Navratilova seems very invested in whipping her hair around.
The frenzied imagery finally stops and we see Neil Tennant sashaying along some street, apparently having just had his hair fluffed and/or having just purchased a trench coat that makes him look even skinnier that he already is. There are some other people with him, but I don’t know if they are part of the band, members of a security detail, or people who just like walking along a street on an overcast day.
Close-up of Neil’s face. He’s looking very serious. But the British always look serious, so we aren’t really learning anything.
Oh, now Neil is standing in front of a pink steel door, belting out the first part of the song. There’s another guy standing beside him, but he doesn’t look really pleased to be here, and his image is kind of faded. And why is Neil doing that thing with his left pinky?
Brief glimpse of somebody’s nose. Beats me.
Back to the pink wall, where Unknown has moved behind Neil, and Neil continues to sing in a manner that draws attention to his interesting hairdo. And the growing realization that perhaps Neil might not have an actual jaw. Unknown Man glances off to the left, desperately searching for cue cards that might let him know what is going on and what he needs to do next. (Wait, is Unknown actually Chris Lowe? Maybe. We’ll just keep calling him Unknown for now, because that’s artsy and stuff.)
Now Neil and Unknown Chris are standing near some odd stairs. Then they’re walking on some elevated crosswalks, and descending some other odd stairs. (Are they trying to find the subway?) Shots of crowds of people heading various places, and then a shot of Neil with an exclamation point over his left shoulder. What does that mean? Are those rude little Germans bombing London again?
The punctuation symbol goes away, replaced by Unknown Possibly Chris. Neil bellows some more, and Chris continues to be uninterested in anything that might be happening. Now the boys are walking past a bookstore, then they’re in a mall trying to avoid being run down by the camera, then a double-decker bus whizzes by because you haven’t really seen London until you’ve managed to not get run down by one of those, and then we’re apparently on a helicopter tour of famous London images.
Back to the… I don’t know, place where Neil and Chris are walking around and pretending that there’s not a camera tracking them. Chris actually shows some signs of life by performing a quick dance step. Or he might have tripped over something. Not sure.
Now they’re walking along the Thames River (I’m assuming) and it’s still overcast, so I’m not sure that London gets a lot of sunshine, so this is probably not a place that Katrina and the Waves should visit. Shot of the river water, then a nice composed shot of the guys with the Tower of London or maybe Margaret Thatcher’s house in the background. (Chris is still not interested. That dude is basically over everything.)
More shots of various random people, including a woman with earrings that could double as anchors for a cruise ship. We also learn that people like to eat while walking. And gamble. Or at least do something with machines that appear to be gambling devices. Maybe they’re just inspecting them to make sure the bells and whistles are pleasing.
Oh wait, now we have lots of those tiny European cars racing past what might be a government building, or a hotel, or a royal residence with crappy security. This doesn’t escalate into a riot or an embassy bombing, so I don’t know why this footage is included.
And there’s Neil again, singing some more with that exclamation point and some neon pink lettering that experience tells me has something to do with questionable venues where small women walk on your back for money. (I really don’t think Neil would be interested in such places, so the mystery deepens. Chris is nowhere to be found at this point, so perhaps he’s much more receptive to the back-walking.)
Dramatic image of Neil glancing off to his right. But nothing happens. So he sings another line of the song and then glances again. Still nothing. Dude, is somebody missing a cue or do you have an attention deficit issue?
We end with the camera traveling along a street and showing lots of people waiting in lines to get into places that are apparently popular. But we don’t know these places and we don’t know these people, so the emotional investment just isn’t there. We fade to black as Neil whispers the final lines of the song.
But seriously. Where the hell are the West End Girls? Did I miss them?
Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
We start out with the lead singer driving along in his car, destination unknown, while we hear a woman repeating herself in voiceover. We don’t know if it’s a flashback or a haunting. We get glimpses of the band performing while the lead singer (Danny) watches a big blue boat float past. He’s really sad, which probably has nothing to do with the “Where’s Waldo?” tower behind him. We also get brief shots of some presumably naked people having a swell time.
Cut to Danny sitting all alone in the dark, fiddling with his cell phone, proving that society has issues if people need to check their text messages when they should be singing in a music video. He finally does start with the singing, triggering some more flashbacks where his girl is doing something with wheat as well as more intimate nap time. (There’s that tower again.) It appears that Nameless Girl really likes to have videos taken of her while she wears a coat, so she’s probably high-maintenance.
Back to Danny sitting again, this time in what we’ll assume is his bedroom. He checks for head lice, but doesn’t find any. He’s still sad. I’m no counselor, but maybe if he got off that damn bed things might improve a little. Oh look, I guess he heard me because the band is performing once more. The guitar player seems pretty happy, so maybe Danny should have a few beers with his buddy and figure out the secret.
But no, Danny instead has some more flashbacks, this time of Nameless Girl marching out his front door with one tiny suitcase, so either the relationship wasn’t that serious to begin with or she’s misplaced a lot of things. Danny just watches her go, already writing this song in his head. He runs back inside to get a pencil.
And more of the band performing. The audience really seems to be enjoying the music, so maybe they don’t understand that it’s not exactly a joyous song. Danny likes to wave his hand at something in the upper balcony, so we’ll assume that he and Nameless had a good time or two up there. Of course, he’s still having flashbacks, this time of Nameless auditioning for a shampoo commercial. Or lipstick. Something that requires Nameless to gaze at the camera with barely controlled yearning for the latest beauty products.
Extended montage of the couple being intimate again. Did these two do anything besides have sex and wear jackets on a cloudy day? Danny is singing on stage again, and he’s completely ignoring his keyboard, so this must be the most emotionally-wrenching part of the song for him and he can’t multi-task. (Another shot of the duo showing their fondness for L. L. Bean outerware.) Danny waves to the other balcony, so I’m guessing that second floor is a really happening place.
Now we have Danny singing by that striped tower again, and I’m starting to think it might have something to do with the breakup. It’s always there, and everyone knows that three-way relationships are very difficult to maintain. No wonder Nameless finally packed her minimal things, she was tired of playing second fiddle to something that’s taller than her and doesn’t talk very much.
Scene with Danny realizing that his keyboard isn’t even plugged in, while the audience waits for him to realize where they are. Another shot of the couple in bed, and Danny is wearing a shirt that probably didn’t help the relationship, either. Back to the stage, where something very bright just landed on the audience. Danny looks up and sings to the ceiling, so I guess he and nameless did it on the roof as well. They were very busy people back in the day.
Another shot at the seashore, where Nameless thinks she’s on a high-fashion runway, followed by more footage of the couple walking in that wheat, and Danny checking his inbox. The song winds down as we see Danny brooding in various locales, and snippets of Nameless apparently already with another guy. Danny sighs, adjusts his coat collar, and then goes to see what the Waldo tower is doing for dinner…
Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.
Monday, January 17, 2011
We start out with the camera approaching an open window, so once again we are going to be doing voyeuristic things, spying on people performing activities that are considered private when music isn’t playing. Neil Finn is sitting on a bed (probably his, who knows), strumming his guitar. Out of nowhere, a plate comes flying up and smashes against the screen. No explanation is given, but get used to it. Possessed tableware is all over this video.
Neil doesn’t mind the shattered crockery, and just keeps playing and singing. He gets up, slowly wanders across the room, avoids a mysterious shower of somebody’s exploding mail, and goes out the door. We’ve now gone back in time 18 years, where somebody is watching home movies and flipping through photo albums while another plate smashes. This person is also not concerned with projectiles, continuing to gaze at people in black-and-white photos with startling hairdos.
Flash forward 7 years to another room, where a chicken nugget on a stick sails by as folks are packing things in boxes and vacuuming an ugly carpet. More chicken nuggets levitate, as well as giant heads of the band members. This room is incredibly boring, so I’m glad when we move on.
Now we have a close-up of Neil singing, followed by shots of an old radio, somebody looking through a telescope (trying to find an actual script?) and ghostly papers that flutter about. Yet another room, where one of the band members is wearing one of those embroidered half-jackets and you expect a bull to run by looking for a red flag. This doesn’t happen, but we do get shots of a religious statue and some horrid wallpaper.
Now the band is in a 60’s kitchen, where there’s plenty of dinnerware that can fly about. Shots of a partially-eaten breakfast being ignored while someone plays a guitar and somebody else irons a shirt. (People, at some point you have got to show me something interesting. This review is about to self-implode with drabness. We need some stabbing or a fire or a gratuitous shower scene. Something.) But no, more ironing and breakfast-ignoring.
Finally, even Neil can’t stand this room and moves on. Next we have a garage (I think) where all of the band is actually playing their instruments. But instead of the pace picking up and the band jamming and sweating and showing actual signs of life, Neil puts down his guitar, whispers something to the drummer, and then leaves the house.
Once outside, Neil puts on an overcoat and wanders off in the direction of a hill in the distance.
Really? That’s it, guys? Hmmm.
Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
We start out with a nice aerial shot, flying over a city that somebody else might recognize. Cut to Lloyd and a lovely lass strolling along a street. (Naturally, he has his shades on because it’s pitch dark outside.) They’re holding hands, which is refreshing, because in some videos people would already be having sex 7 seconds into the video.
Cut to Lloyd standing in… not sure. Is this a fancy bathroom in a hip night club? Maybe Lloyd will sing about it and tell us where he is. Well, no, he wants us to lay our head on his pillow. I don’t really want to do that, but I’ll see what else he has to say. Seriously, he wants us to lay our damn head on his pillow. Lloyd is really pushy. Maybe later, dude. Depends on how the drinking goes.
We start seeing brief glimpses of some finely-dressed people enjoying champagne at what might be a restaurant. They’re just sitting around and quietly talking. Perhaps they’re waiting for Lloyd to make his way out of the bathroom, because he’s still in there, insisting that we get some rest. Maybe someone should go check on him.
Oh good, looks like Lloyd finally broke free, because now he’s joined the elegant people wherever they are drinking that champagne. Lloyd is so happy to be out of the bathroom that he high-fives people and hugs them, even if they don’t know who he is. His lovely lass (let’s call her Janice) is by his side, being fully supportive after his harrowing ordeal.
Everybody raises their glasses of champagne to the notion that all people should be able to exit public facilities whenever they want to. More champagne is poured, because you never know when somebody else might be released from the men’s room and they need to be prepared to celebrate.
Brief shot of what might be a DJ, but he doesn’t introduce himself, so we don’t know for sure. This is followed by more happy people chatting and drinking the bubbly. Then Lloyd is back in that bathroom again, which is probably not an ideal move, but hopefully he’ll remember his way out this time.
Now we have Lloyd eyeing Janice across the table of friends. This inspires Janice to come over and ask Lloyd to help adjust her boobs. That’s all it takes to get the fires burning, and we cut to an alley where Janice is pawing at Lloyd’s clothing. Just to make sure he understands her needs, she turns around and crams her booty up against him. To her dismay, he keeps singing, so she finally resorts to a stronger message, wrapping one leg around his waist and heaving her breasts toward heaven.
Lloyd finally shuts up for a second, realizes that perhaps there are some other things they could be doing right now, and they run hop in his car, headed toward what we can assume is more erotic location than a smelly alley. During the journey, we see shots of Lloyd singing in another room, this one with tufted walls that make it look like he’s bellowing inside a giant coffin. This man sure chooses some odd places to sing.
They finally get to a fancy house (we know this because some butler guy opens the car doors for them) and the loving couple troops inside. Thoughtfully, someone has arranged for an orchestra to be right there, playing along as Janice flings her tiny purse to the side, quickly joined by most of her clothing.
But instead of hopping right in the sack that we actually haven’t seen yet (were they going to do it on the marble floor?), Janice heads toward a really nice swimming pool. (Maybe she wants to rinse off the smell of rotting cabbage that she picked up while doing sexual gymnastics in the alley.) I’m guessing Lloyd is not particularly fond of this change in itinerary, because he starts to sing a little more desperately in that coffin room.
Cut to the couple finally in bed, and we learn that Lloyd has more tattoos than you would ever have imagined. Janice is on top of him, showing tremendous amounts of affection for the ink work. She must have just the right touch, because Lloyd suddenly starts yodeling while his head hangs upside down.
Whoops, now we’re back to the pool, where Lloyd is convincing his little kitten that she can swim later, like after the video’s done. (Apparently we had some focus issues in the editing room.) They troop once more to the boudoir, even though we’ve already been there. More tattoo exposure and yodeling, complemented by shots of Janice flinging her head about with wild abandon so that her dangly gold earrings catch the light just right, accenting the fact that she has breasts, in case we’ve forgotten.
The music fades as Lloyd and Janice consummate their 5-minute relationship. Far off in the night, the von Trapp family is pleased that yodeling is making a comeback…
Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.