Searching For Signal: #174 - “Survivor: Nicaragua” - Episode 4

We start off with the older Espada tribe marching back to their camp after having evicted Jimmy Johnson. Appropriately, it’s pouring down rain because these people done messed up. (Of course, Jimmy T refuses to believe they’ve done anything wrong: “JJ’s leadership was nothing.”) Then Jimmy T, because he really doesn’t live with the rest of us on this planet, starts singing an annoyingly stupid song, really loud, while the rest of the tribe just glares at him in total hatred.

Marty in a sidebar: “He just has to hear his own voice, 24-7.” (Kettle black, Marty?) “Give him a little rope and he’ll hang himself.”

Roll opening credits.

Still at the Espada camp, next morning, where Jane and Holly, looking extremely haggard and unfeminine, are wandering around and realizing that the tide is strangely high. It seems there’s been a bit of a weather disturbance. We see shots of the limited beach all cluttered with debris. (Jill in a sidebar, fussing about the lack of food and the fact that they can’t fish. Hmm. I always thought the best fishing was right after a rain. Maybe I missed a memo.)

Jimmy T, because he so desperately wants to be the leader of the tribe, tries convincing the rest of the tribe that they should fish like birds. “See that bird over there. How it floats on the water and waits for a fish to come to the surface? We should do that!” Trouble is, Man With Really Ugly Hair, you people are NOT birds. So you can’t fish like them. Understand?

He doesn’t. Jimmy T grabs a net and tries throwing it into the water, like the imbecilic fish are going to leap into the net and wait to be eaten. This doesn’t happen. In fact, Jimmy T can’t even get the net to fan out when he throws it. He fails miserably. The rest of the tribe wanders away to see if there are some rocks they can chew on.

Cut to the La Flor tribe, where Brenda is busily working on the Hidden Immunity Idol clue that NaOnka shared with her. Suddenly, Brenda makes the right connection and figures out where the Idol must be. She runs to snatch up NaOnka (Why would you do that, Brenda? Find the damn Idol yourself and then lie. That’s how you play this game.) and drags Nay to the spot where Brenda thinks the Idol is buried. Of course they find it, doing a happy dance. And of course NaOnka thinks she did all the work. “It’s mine! I figured it out!”

You sure as hell didn’t. Hate you.

Alina and Kelly B are chatting, and seeming to be getting along quite swimmingly. (Alina in a sidebar: “The way NaOnkoa treats Kelly B makes me furious.” That’s two of us, sister.) The two of them race off to find the Idol. (Remember, there are about 46 Idol clues floating around this place.)

Well, NaOnka, because she’s a total bitch, (just making sure we’re all on the same page about that), can’t stand the fact that other people are looking for the Idol. (Even though Nay has the freaking Idol because Brenda is wimpy. There’s NOT another Idol to find.) So NaOnka stomps up to Alina and Kelly B, and then launches into a hate-fest against Kelly B. Nay is horrible. There is something truly wrong with that woman.

Back over to the Espada camp, at night. Everybody’s huddled in the tent, generally fussing, but trying to be upbeat. Out of the blue, Marty nominates Tyrone to be the new tribe leader. (What the hell? MARTY wants to be tribe leader.) Then the mystification continues, with Jimmy T saying: “I don’t wanna be leader, so I accept that.”

Am I watching the right show? Both Marty and Jimmy T would give their left nut to be tribe leader.

Jimmy T in a sidebar, confirming his delusions: “Marty’s not a JT fan.” (Is anybody?) Then he calls Marty a “preppy little bitch”. Well, can’t entirely disagree with that, but because I’m not fond of either one of them, I can’t give anybody props. But most importantly? Please quit showing me Jimmy T with the night-vision cameras, because he really looks like a serial killer and we already have enough of those to worry about.

Next morning, the Espada tribe gets tree-mail. The wording is typically cryptic, but there’s also some blindfolds in the mailbox. Got it. People are going to be blindfolded, and somebody has to lead them. (Wait, did I just sum up every single season of “Survivor”? Hmm.) The tribe decides to practice, which is actually a good idea, because I can guarantee you the pre-school tribe will not come to this same decision, instead opting to lay on the beach and wait for Annie Leibovitz to come take their picture.

So Tyrone makes himself the caller, which he should as the newly appointed leader, and tries giving directions to his blind-folded mates. Trouble is, Jimmy T can’t keep his mouth shut, ripping off his blindfold and trying to tell Tyrone what to do. Jimmy T is a piece of work. And I don’t mean that in a good way.

Marty in a sidebar: “I nominated Tyrone on purpose to rile up JT. JT is delusional and paranoid.” Interesting, and slightly fun. But hey, Marty, did it ever occur to you that you guys actually need to win some competitions? You know about competitions, right? The things you need to win in order to avoid going to Tribal Council? Yes, those things. Quit playing little prima donna games about who has the bigger coconuts.

Time for the Immunity Challenge.

The tribes march into the playing area, with the La Flor tribe totally stunned that Jimmy Johnson is gone. (Yeah, me too.) Jeff explains that a caller will direct pairs of blind-folded people to collect 10 items, and then direct a final pair to find a set of keys, open a chest, and drag it back to home base. Oh, and there’s a reward as well, with the winners getting to pick 3 groups of items provided and sponsored by Sears.

The camera lingers on the Sears logo, in case we didn’t catch Jeff’s words. We don’t really get a good shot of the actual item groups, because that would take time away from promoting Sears. Did you know that Sears was sponsoring this competition? Hey look, there’s a piece of driftwood with the Sears logo burned into it. Sears is sponsoring this competition. Sears. With an “S”.

Is the La Flor tribe going to use the nifty Medallion of Power to gain an advantage in today’s events? Hell, yeah.

And off we go.

Within seconds, it’s very clear that the practicing by the Espada tribe is making absolutely no difference. The older folk are slamming into trees, tripping over pockets of air, and generally not listening to Tyrone calling out directions. (Especially Jimmy T, who actually appears to be purposely doing the exact opposite of what Tyrone yells out.) And the way they keep holding their hands up, like that’s going to help? They look like they’re volunteering to be thrown into a volcano, but I doubt that any of them are virgins. Except maybe Holly.

On the flip side, the younger La Flor tribe members seem to be magically floating directly toward the needed items, and then transporting the goods back to home base within seconds. It’s not even a contest. La Flor wins Immunity. They happily pick up their winnings and prance back to camp, because none of them are really taking any of this seriously. They’re just waiting for the old people to fail, and then they can get serious.

Cut to the Espada camp, where the older folks are a little blue. Danny is trying to be supportive and raise their spirits, which he should, because he’s basically useless. (And stupid, since he paid $1,600 dollars for some ugly shoes and then BROUGHT THEM to the island so Holly could sink them in the ocean during one of her many breaks from reality.)

Jimmy T is not so supportive. “I’m gonna keep fighting for attention so you’ll finally use me for what I can do.” Tyrone: Okay, what would you have done differently in the competition today. Jimmy T: Uhhh…

Tyrone in a sidebar: “I’m sick of JT’s negativity.” Then he checks his pocket to make sure that he doesn’t have two Idols, because he doesn’t want to go home like James did in his shame moment.

Zip to the La Flor tribe, where everybody is celebrating their win and inspecting the trove of won treasures. Chase spies a clue in the fishing tackle box and pinches it. He runs to tell Brenda, and hopes she can help him find the Hidden Immunity Idol.

Brenda in a sidebar: “I feel so bad” that Chase wants me to help him use his limited mental resources to find an Idol that can’t be found because NaOnka the Heartless has already scooped it up, killing a homeless person in the process and spitting on a gospel choir.

Brenda, after hemming and hawing for a bit, finally fesses to Chase that NayBitch already has the Idol. “But you can’t tell NaOnka that you know. SHE has the Idol, and that could affect us.” Chase stares off into the distance at some palm trees, because Brenda just said too many words for him to compute.

Espada camp again, where people are clamoring around in the ocean tide and looking for sea urchins. (Jill in a sidebar: Yep, we’ve been reduced to looking for salty packets of snot to get a little protein.) Jimmy T goes off on Marty for eating some of the urchins and not placing them in the “community basket”, which is really just a bit of net that Jimmy T is lugging around as he hollers at everybody else to do the work.

Marty in a sidebar: He’s fed up with Jimmy T, “calling me out” like that. “That’s the equivalent of putting a gun to your head and blowing your brains out.” What the hell? It was unnecessary, but it’s not equal to THAT. What kind of TV shows do you watch when you’re not on this island? Geez.

Cut to Jane and Holly doing something pointless on the beach. Jane: “I’m gonna write Danny’s name down. I think Coach was sending a message when he wrote down Danny.” Hold up, Jane. You voted to send Coach Jimmy J’s ass home. Now you’re going to get all mystical about signs that he might be sending you?

Marty and Jill on another stretch of beach, with her flame-red hair helping nearby ships find port. Marty: “Keep Danny, he’s the swing vote. Vote JT out.” Then Marty runs off to have his chest waxed by bored monkeys.

Jill and Tyrone, somewhere that Marty isn’t. Jill: “Vote JT.” Tyrone: “But Danny can’t do things.” Jill: I really don’t care. Marty has the Idol, the one that I really found, and now I’m his bitch. Just do it.

Jill runs back to Marty, who is freshly waxed but still not understanding that his hair looks like something that you would call the Pest Control hotline about. Jill: “Tyrone wants Dan.” Marty: I let a monkey touch my love nipples and people are STILL not doing my bidding?

Marty runs to Tyrone: “Which way are you leaning?” (Is the wind really strong out here?) Tyrone: “Dan can’t run in the mud.” (Which pretty much sums it up, don’t you think?) Marty: “I’d rather it be JT.” Marty pushes really hard. Then a pterodactyl flies overhead and lays an egg in Marty’s hair.

Jimmy T, Yve and clueless Holly are standing around somewhere, waiting for their 401K’s to mature. Jimmy T: “I just want a chance in a challenge.” Yve: Okay, what would you have done differently in the competition today. Jimmy T: Uhhh…

Jimmy T just does not get it.

Yve in a sidebar: Kill me now. Can’t stand him.

Jimmy T in a sidebar: “I keep opening my mouth,” and maybe that’s not a good thing.

Ya think?

Time for Tribal.

Jeff to Tyrone: “What happened with the competition today?”

Tyrone (and Marty, because he can’t keep his mouth shut): “It woulda worked if it hadn’t been for the Medallion.”

Jeff is not buying that: You were way the hell behind.

Then Jeff goes after Danny: “You sat out again.” Danny: “I was helping the tribe by sitting out.” Jeff: Point proven.

Jill: “I’m tired of losing.”

Jeff smirks, then turns to Jimmy T: “Is is frustrating to not have leadership?” Jeff is totally poking at things to start a fight. Jimmy T: “Nobody will let me prove myself.” Jeff to Marty: What’s up with that. Willing to give Jimmy T a chance? Marty: “We don’t wanna give him a chance. We have zero tolerance for paranoia.”

Gotta repeat it. Kettle black, Marty?

Then Holly, because SHE’S so grounded, defends Jimmy T. “All he’s asking for is a chance.” (Jane seems to agree, nodding her head.) Tyrone: “He would have more value as a follower.” (And you know Jimmy T popped a blood vessel or two on hearing that.)

Jeff to Jimmy T: Can you handle that, being a follower?

Jimmy T refuses to answer, getting all teary-eyed and “needing a moment”. Oh, please. That is one massive ego right there. Tyrone to Jimmy T: Man up. Be a follower. Jimmy T refuses to accept this fate.

Time to vote.

Jimmy T, Holly and Jane vote for Dan.

Everybody else votes for Jimmy T.

(Jane cusses and is quickly bleeped.)

Jimmy T marches out of the camp without saying a word. Interesting. The only way to make this man shut up is to send him home. Duly noted.

Roll end credits.

Searching For Signal: #173 - “Survivor: Nicaragua” - Episode 3

We start out at the La Flor camp, with the pre-schoolers returning from Tribal. They’re all confused and stunned about what happened, muttering things like “That blew my mind!” and “That was crazy!” Well, yeah, you got to watch Shannon completely melt down on national television, to the point where most of you couldn’t even pretend to be his friend anymore and you sent his ass home. (Good for you. Well, except for the few folks that didn’t vote to get rid of Shannon Palin.)

Speaking of, NaOnka has some special words for those few in a sidebar: “Everybody acting all cool with it, but they not. Alina, Kelly B and Jud, this is gonna bite you in the ass.” I already can’t stand NaOnka, she’s just got too much attitude for no reason, but in this particular case she’s right. You’re going to stick with a racist bigot and do his bidding? Then you need to go. Sadly, some of these youngsters will get distracted easily and forget, like when the kindergarten teacher comes in and hands out juice boxes.

Roll opening credits.

Cut to the Espada camp, where the older folks are all traipsing through the jungle. They can hear howler monkeys whooping it up somewhere, so they’ve decided to find the monkeys, since the monkeys should be near food in the trees. They finally find the irritating howlers, and Jimmy Johnson proceeds to make animal noises that the monkeys understand. The monkeys shut up and gaze at Jimmy as if Lazarus just stepped out of a cave and said “I was only kidding. I was just taking a nap.”

Cue Marty in a sidebar, where he proceeds to rip at Jimmy J. Marty can’t stand Jimmy J, because people are paying attention to him and not Marty. And Jimmy J has special talents like the ability to carry on conversations with other species. (After all, he worked for Jerry Jones for how many years?) Marty hates Jimmy. HATES him.

Then we have scenes with Jimmy J teaching most of the tribe how to fish. His advice proves quite useful, and suddenly everybody is successful. Fish are practically jumping out of the ocean and into the arms of the fishers. This pisses off Marty even more, with another sidebar where he tears at Jimmy J again. (Dude, he’s helping your people get food. And it’s working. What happened in your childhood that made you so bitter?)

Side note: You really need to pause your DVR when Holly is talking to Jimmy J. Study her one-piece swimsuit. Is that thing on backwards? Why does the crotch look that way? That’s not right. Seriously, really not right. Holly scares me.

A few scenes with Jill and Marty. He’s fussing about Jimmy J (big surprise). She tells him to chill, that people like Jimmy and hatin’ on him could be a problem. But then she blurts that he should show the Idol he has to everybody.

What? Showing the Idol can cost you.

Cut to the La Flor camp, where we are treated to scenes of Jud/Fabio starting a fire, but then forgetting to move his head back when the fire catches and he nearly asphyxiates himself with smoke inhalation. Then we see him in a sidebar: “I wanna be kept around for my mentality.” Kind of a big leap, don’t you think? (NaOnka in her own sidebar: His hair got on my nerves on Day 1.)

Back to Espada, with everyone sitting around eating, and Marty states “I have an announcement”. (An announcement? Is this a board meeting? No, it’s not.) He shows the Idol, they all clap. Marty: “We’ll play it when we need it.”

Jimmy T in a sidebar, with his ugly-ass hair: I love Marty!

Tyrone in a sidebar, um, without any hair: Maybe he got team points by sharing about the Idol, but Marty is shady.

Word.

Marty in a sidebar: In the end “the Idol belongs to me”. Have you told Jill that? Because she’s the one that really found it. She has red hair. This means she will cut you if you do her wrong.

Then we have Dan in a sidebar. He’s really hungry and tired. Then we have scenes of him being really hungry and tired, limping about and feeling sorry for himself. (Yve in a sidebar about Dan’s gumption: “He doesn’t have it.”) More shots of Dan being unable to lift a twig or stand up while peeing. But hey, if somebody’s cooking something, he’s the first in line at the simmering pot.

Over to the La Flor tribe, where several of the kiddies have gathered on a beach. They’re discussing the fate of Alina and Kelly B. They have to go. (Hello? What about Jud? He voted the same way.) Alina in a sidebar: “I’m not in the best position.” NaOnka in a sidebar: “We gotta get Alina out.” Jud in a sidebar…. Oh wait, he still doesn’t really understand what that is. Stay tuned.

Time for the Immunity/Reward Challenge.

In this one, the teams have to race out and collect 10 barrels, roll them back to a staging area where they have to arrange them on platforms, then they have to throw sandbags so that one lands on each barrel. (The Reward part of it is the “Survivor Garden”, a mess of spices, fruits, vegetables, and such.) The La Flor tribe opts to not use their Medallion of Advantage. Benry: “We don’t need it.” Really? After you guys made fun of the older tribe for not using it that one time? Uh huh. Hope you lose just because of your arrogance. And the fact that I can’t stand any of you.

Off we go. The younger tribe initially surges, but the older tribe catches up and it’s very tight, with everyone trying to do their best. (Except for Dan. Jeff actually yells at one point: “Dan, you need to do something.”) During the last bit, with the sandbag tossing, the older tribe initially takes the lead, with Tyrone hitting target after target. Then he falters, and Jimmy T starts yelling for Tyrone to step back and let him have a shot. Tyrone ignores him (this will prove a critical point later) until Jimmy J convinces Tyrone to let Jimmy T try.

But it’s too late. The younger La Flor tribe, with Benry doing the throwing, hits all of the marks first. They win.

While the Espada tribe marches back home empty-handed, the La Flor tribe runs to fetch their reward. Kelly B purposely lunges for the basket of fruit, convinced that there might be a clue to an Idol. As she hoists it in her arms, we see that she’s right. There’s a little scroll tucked into the winnings. Trouble is, NaOnka sees this as well, and immediately decides that she and Kelly B are going to be best friends and carry the basket together. (NaOnka in a sidebar: “I’m going for the paper!”)

The La Flor tribe marches back to camp, and as soon as they reach the clearing, NaOnka turns all linebacker and knocks Kelly out of the way so she can grab the tiny scroll. (In the process, bananas get smashed, a harbinger of doom.) NaOnka dashes off to the beach and into a sidebar: “You could say I got all hood on Kelly B. But I did not get ghetto.”

There’s a difference? I guess I need to pay more attention.

Later, NaOnka drags Brenda on a walk, and shows her the Idol clue. They try to figure it out, but they can’t quite get it. Then “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” comes on the Coconut TV and they get all distracted.

Cut to the Espada camp, where things are a bit tense with the fact that Tyrone initially did not let anyone else try tossing the sandbags. Jimmy T to the group: “My talent is being wasted!” (Say, Jimmy T, can you actually define talent?) It does appear that most of the tribe is at least slightly miffed with Tyrone not letting someone else try until it was too late.

Jimmy T in a sidebar: “I’m a born leader. I should be leading this tribe.” (Oh, puh-leeze.)

Tyrone in a sidebar: “Everybody can’t touch the ball.” (This distracts me a little bit, with my mind going places that don’t really apply.)

Marty in a sidebar: “I’m looking forward to Tribal. It will force the tribe to start playing this game.” (Dude, you want to go to Tribal? Do you not watch the show? I mean, I’m assuming that they get the broadcast signal on your planet.)

Cut to Marty and Jimmy J splashing around in the surf, strategizing. As usual. Jimmy J is telling it like it is. As usual, Marty is seething with jealousy that Jimmy J is able to both handle and speak the truth. (Marty in a sidebar: “I need to remove JJ so people will lose their daddy.”) Seriously, are we in elementary school here?

Scene with Marty and Jill talking. Marty: “Coach has to go.” Jill: To me, Holly, Dan and JJ are all the same. Whichever one needs to go. Just tell me what to do. (But in a sidebar, Jill fesses that she’s only trying to appease Marty because of the Idol thing, and that she thinks Marty is way too focused on the wrong person. Then she finds a seashell shaped like Rosie O’Donnell and we’ve lost her.)

Marty runs to tell Dan to vote for Jimmy J. Of course Dan agrees. (Dan in a sidebar: “I’m in much better shape than JJ.” You’re kidding, right? Because we’ve seen you lying on your sorry butt in the hut while JJ is out harpooning whales.)

Marty runs to tell Jimmy T to vote for Jimmy J. No problem. Jimmy T is firmly convinced that he has been anointed by God to save the world, despite his unfamiliarity with washing his own hair or having any social skills.

Scene with Jane and Holly, where they basically agree to look out for one another, and they don’t think that Jimmy J should go home. (Jane in a sidebar: “JJ’s my fishing buddy!”) This is followed by a scene with Jimmy J, Yve and Holly as they fish. Jimmy J fesses they “might not see me for a while”, because he knows what’s going on with Marty. Both of the women act like Jimmy J is going nowhere. Especially Yve, who tells Jimmy J that she is her favorite person in the tribe.

Marty runs to Tyrone. Marty: “Write Coach’s name down.” Tyrone: “I don’t know about that.” (Tyrone in a sidebar: “Marty’s paranoid. I think Marty’s all about Marty. I’m more worried about Danny.”)

Marty in a sidebar: “These people are not thinking the game through. Do NOT mess around with me.”

Really can’t stand Marty. Not as much as I hated Oompa Loompa Russell during his two seasons, but still. Don’t care for him.

Time for Tribal.

Jeff: “Today’s challenge. What happened?”

Jimmy T immediately seizes this opportunity to let everyone know that if Tyrone hadn’t been such a stubborn pig, Jimmy T could have saved the day. It’s all Jimmy J’s fault for not sending him in sooner. Really? Jeff’s not buying that, so he digs deeper. Jeff to Jimmy T: “How are you getting along with Jimmy J?” Jimmy T: “Maybe I’m a threat to his leadership role.”

Tyrone rolls his eyes. “I’m baffled by that statement.”

Jimmy J about Jimmy T: “I thought we had a good relationship.”

Jeff to Dan: “Are you a strong player?” Dan: I’m pretty good. Jill: I’m not so sure about that. Jane: Ditto.

Jeff to Jimmy T: “Who are the weakest players?” Jimmy T: “I won’t say, but there’s three or four.”

Jeff: Fine. Let’s do a roll call. He asks each of the tribe members if they think they are weak. The only one who admits to that is Jimmy Johnson. Again, he’s being honest, while in reality, half the tribe is lying, especially Dan and Jimmy T.

Marty: “These people need to wake up.” There’s a whole lot going on that they don’t realize.

Jeff: You really want to say that right now? At Tribal?

Time to vote.

Two things. One is that Jeff is clearly trying to steer the heat away from Jimmy Johnson. I normally don’t like it when Jeff tries to insert his own opinions or influence the vote, but in this case I’m fine with it. Second, based on everything that the producers have shown us in this episode, and the way key players are acting at Tribal, Jimmy Johnson shouldn’t be in any trouble.

Yet when the vote comes back, it’s unanimous against Jimmy J.

He’s very gracious in his exit.

But clearly, something monumental happened at the Espada camp that would make everyone vote for JJ. Every single one of them, despite appearances that only Marty, JT, and Dan had an issue with JJ. Obviously, this was a totally manipulated episode. But I shouldn’t be surprised, right?

Jeff: “You just voted out a proven leader.”

Marty smirks.