Friday, May 9, 2008

The Third One

Pop Stars,

Where to begin? Well, I've continued to fiddle around with the various ways to post on this blog, and I've finally decided (for the moment, anyway) to create ANOTHER blog where I can post the majority of the photos in the big-ass way I had in mind, with the shame and humiliation splashed across the page instead of in a tiny thumbnail that you really can't see. So scroll down on the right, take a deep breath, and plunge.

Second, I've added party details in the upper right, indicating the next opportunity you have to imbibe far too much and risk your sweaty and bellowing self being captured in digital eternity. Meaning, of course, that you will soon be appearing on Blog 2. (This thrills me to no end, although you may have other thoughts on the matter.) But at least we now have a central place for folks to see what festivities are on the horizon. Yayzz! So get the word out. Quit sitting around waiting for an email to arrive with the latest planned anarchy. We are now on the web, people. Use it.

Finally, there have been a few rumblings in the familial network that perhaps it's not fair for ancient photos of a past life to be shockingly displayed for the world to see. A little part of me understands this concern, and I do feel your pain. But the bigger part of me is thinking that if you show up at one of our shindigs and do 27 tequila jello shots, then I have earned the right to snap a shot of you running naked through the back yard and offering a sacrifice to Isis.

Did I mention that the game was on?

I thought so.

Peace In.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

The Second One

Apres moi, Le Deluge.

(Tiffy, look it up on that satanic translator website you use that I detest. Others, just go with it, mmmkay?)

So anyway. Now that my quest for World-Wide Blog Domination has begun (why dream small?), I'm now experimenting with adding photos to the site. Yes, frightened friends and casual acquaintances, you know that I have them and you know that I will use them. Pray to your gods, whomever they may be. But before you legally change your name and have to move, I must confess that I'm having a tad bit of trouble with getting the photos and captions to look the way I want them to look. I am basically intelligent and have the natural gay ability to arrange things with flair, so how difficult can this be?

But no, the geeks that developed the software for this site are sociopaths intent on somehow achieving validation by throwing roadblocks in the path of innocent users. (Even gay ones with flair, which is an abomination and should not be allowed, even in the state of Oklahoma, where they are still mystified by the development of toilet paper.) Why can't I simply click on cute little action icons to accomplish my desired results? This shouldn't be difficult. We've put a man on the moon and allowed an idiot from Midland, TX to be the Supreme Commander in Chief for 8 years. ("Mission accomplished in Iraq!" the bitch said, FIVE YEARS AGO!, while standing on that aircraft carrier, in a jumpsuit that he never wore in real life, with the G.I. Joe "pull me and I'll say something programmed" string trailing behind him.)

So I am perplexed.

For example, I was able to load three related photos on the right side of the blog. Initially, this sounds promising and votives should be lit. But I wanted these photos to be in the same grouping instead of individual entries. Couldn't figure out how to do it. I wanted the captions to break in the way I intended so they didn't look awkward and Oklahoman. Couldn't figure out how to do it. And most importantly, because true humiliation for the subjects in the photo is not complete unless you can see a big-ass version of the photo, I wanted people to be able to click on the photo and see the Cinerama version. Could NOT figure out how to do it.

Oh sure, I tried clicking on "Help" for any nuggets of wisdom there might be. This was a wash. Entering "post photos" in the search field resulted in a link on how to take pictures. I've already DONE that, Geek 7A in cube B12, you're sure as hell not getting a tip when the slutty waitress finally wanders by to pick up the check. And entering "click on photos" (hoping this would tell me how to make them bigger) took me to a website for crab dip. Love crab dip, hate worthless search engines.

So, on Day 2 of Blog Domination, things are not going as planned. I will persevere (the gay flair thing, natch) but it may be a bumpy ride for a bit. Keep the faith, peeplings, and we will eventually triumph.

Final Note: I did update the settings so that visitors can post comments even if they are not registered users. Yayzz. Of course, this just might result in me getting a grammar-challenged email from a certain person in Crawford, TX saying "whut du yu mean we ain't wun the Eye-Rockee War?" But I can deal with this, and will respond accordingly: "Cheney got a gun, you better run."

The Apocalypse? A president that can only understand nursery rhymes.

Peace out.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

The First One

So anyway, it was another one of those sucky days at work (Dear Gawd, take me now, will there EVER be a non-sucky day at work?) when Tiffany, and her hair, was rambling on about some yahoo cousin of hers that had a real-life Blog and it was SO fascinating and SO impressive we must all run out immediately and start our own Blogs. I, of course, continued to smoke my cigarette and nod at appropriate moments while the spew of words out of her exquisitely-lipsticked mouth reached G-Force levels. Because this is what we do. She gushes forth, I grunt with minimal enthusiasm, and we love each other for it. And so it went, as it always does. Diva Tiffany, with the arms flailing and the we-must-do-this-now flatulence, and me having no intention whatsoever of doing whatever she is babbling about.

Flash forward to now. I'm still signed into the network at work, struggling valiantly to move the tiny cogs that I own in the behemoth Verizon machine. It's 9:30 at night. (Insert your own time zone, look at all the lonely people, waiting for life to pass them by.) Pondering the micro-bits of life that I can actually call my own. When I have an epiphany of sorts. (Yes, Dearest Tiff, yet another tribute to you in using that word. You are my muse, Babbling Brook.) Why NOT start a Blog? Why NOT chain myself to yet another immense task, being the medicated workaholic that I am? I can finally drop the grunting and begin the pontificating. I can be heard! At least by random web surfers who have grown tired of the porn websites and click on this site out of sheer boredom. The world is my oyster.

So I did it, people. I've started a Blog. Praise me.

Game on.