Thursday, May 17, 2012

10 Cute Southern Phrases And What They Actually Mean



1. “Well, sugar my foot!”

  Translation: “I am thoroughly astonished that what you just said is actually true. Even if it’s really not.” This is a response often heard during whispered gossip sessions at the local Baptist church.

2. “That thing just flopped back yonder.”

  Translation: “The item which you seek has bounced to a location that is no longer near us and may be inaccessible at this point.” This often happens with beer bottle caps and contraceptive devices.

3. “Oh, I really like what you’ve done with your hair.”

  Translation: “I am so stunned by that mess on your head that I couldn’t look away and you caught me staring, so I had to say something.” This phrase gets the most usage during Prom Season, when young women often confuse height and bulk with actual style.

4. “I would never tell a soul.”

  Translation: “The very second you disappear around the corner I am going to bust my ass telling your secret to everybody in a 5-mile radius.” If the person making this statement also adds “cross my heart”, the radius instantly increases to 10 miles.

5. “I’m gonna lay into you like a ton of bricks!”

  Translation: “I am so miffed at a perceived transgression of yours that I am going to beat you senseless just as soon as I finish my beer.” The origination of this phrase probably had something to do with stupid people doing stupid things near abandoned houses with crumbling chimneys, and somebody took notes after they hauled Bubba away in that 9-1-1 contraption.

6. “I’ll knock you into the middle of next week!”

  Translation: “If you don’t stop doing that thing which I find incredibly annoying, I will use my fists and short-term time travel to resolve the situation.” No word on how such a science-based concept made its way into rural, flat-earth-believing populations, but it did.

7. “Rode hard and put up wet.”

  Translation: “A person’s appearance is less than flattering and/or the person has not aged with any particular grace.” This term originally had something to do with sweaty horses and saddles back in the day. It’s not clear what an actual human would have to do to achieve the same aura, but apparently some folks have mastered the skill. The misuse of alcohol, drugs, cosmetics or sexual opportunities may be contributing factors.

8. “Bobby Joe is ate up with the dumb-ass”

  Translation: “The level of that person’s stupidity is mind-boggling.” Presumably this is a quite different condition than being a smart-ass, although one must wonder how intelligence is considered to be somehow rectum-based.

9. “He’s going to hell in a hand basket.”

  Translation: “He has done something so astoundingly un-recommended that his after-life travel plans may include destinations that were not on his preferred itinerary.” However, the inclusion of the foo-foo basket accessory reference may indicate that this fool is actually going to Martha Stewart’s Vineyard, which might actually be worse than fire and brimstone. Would you want to make table centerpieces for all eternity?

10. “She was sweatin’ like a whore in church.”

  Translation: “The woman felt quite uncomfortable to be in a place that may not fully support her chosen way of making a living and/or entertainment options she had pursued in her past.” Then again, the poor thing might actually be sweating because she wasn’t used to seeing so many of her clients in one room. And that was just the choir…


Click Here to Read Part II in this series...



15 comments:

  1. well, butter my butt and call it a biscuit!!!

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    1. Hi Anne,

      I definitely remember THAT one. Sadly, when I took this literally as a child and grabbed a stick of oleo and attempted to perform the requested operation, there were harsh words and I ended up sitting in a corner. (Just kidding)

      B.

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  2. Absolutely LOVED this post! I am from Ohio so most of the phrases you listed are new to me. I work with a complete idiot who comes with all of the accessories (hence complete) and I believe he must be ate up with the dumb-ass. Is this a medical condition? Is there a pill he can take? Is there a pill I can take to help me deal?

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    Replies
    1. Hi Anon,

      Thanks for the love! As for your little idiot co-worker, well, once the dumb-ass has started snacking on somebody, there's really not much you can do to prevent the downward spiral. Just grit your teeth and be strong.

      B.

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  3. When I lived in Alabama for a few years, I felt sometimes like I was in a foreign country. My roommate used to say, "I am just ILL!" It took me a while to understand that she didn't have the flu or a headache, but was just angry. Then the whole "you might should do this." thing always stopped me in my tracks. :-)

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    1. Hey Lisa,

      Yep, I have had my own encounters with that initially-mystifying "ILL!" outburst. I had a lovely school chum who would hurl that epithet from time to time, and it took me a while to understand that her misgivings had something to do with a social snafu of some kind. And I'll counter your "you might should do this" with a "I reckon you oughta"...

      B.

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  4. LOL, very clever! I'm so posting the link to my facebook page. Ha!

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    1. Hi Susiet,

      Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for sharing it on Facebook. Stay tuned for a follow-up post on this topic, folks seem to be having a good time with it.

      B.

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  5. When my Grandma didn't trust someone who was a little too...something she would explain by saying they were "Slicker than a greased pig at the County fair!" LOL

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hi Anon,

      Grandmas are the best source for some of these phrases. On a side note, I spent a lot of time as a child in situations where animals were lubricated at social events. It was a very confusing childhood... ;)

      B.

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  6. My personal favorite: "Bless your heart."

    And their's also:
    I'm feelin' Fair to Middlin' - More middlin' than fair"

    I'm finer than frog's fuzz split six ways with a broad axe.

    I'm fixin' to go to the store.

    I'm hankerin' for a mess of greens.

    whipper75229

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    Replies
    1. Hey Whipper,

      Yep, I've heard all of these except for that frog bit. (That one's a little scary, especially with the axe, don't you think?) And about that middlin' thing, it always makes me think of Midland, TX, and I'm pretty sure that's not what people mean, because who would want to feel like they were in a place where sand blows around all the time and gets in your crevices, right? Anyway, thanks for stopping by!

      B.

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  7. There's a spin off of the frog one: "I'm finer than a frog hair split 4 ways."

    Also, one of my favorites: "Don't go gettin' above yer raisin'."

    "That dog don't hunt."

    "She is plumb tuckered out."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Rescue,

      I'm starting to get really fascinated with these frog references, so I definitely need to dig into more of that. And your "raisin" one? I'm already picturing a whacked out paragraph or two I can do with that one. Thanks for the suggestions!

      B.

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  8. Dear Readers,

    Just to fill you in: I've been off working on my other blogs for a while, but now I'm getting fired up about this one again, especially the "southern phrases" posts. I'm definitely working on a Part 3, and truly would appreciate any suggestions you might have. Don't be shy, flop it all out there and show me what you got.

    Wait, maybe that didn't come out right. Anyway, keep the suggestions coming!

    B.

    ReplyDelete