Sunday, May 13, 2012

20 Signs When You Were Little That Meant Mom Was None Too Happy With You Right Now

1. She used your middle name when screaming from another room that you needed to report to her immediately.

2. Dead silence on her end of the line when you called her at work for the twenty-seventh time in one afternoon.

3. Proclaiming at dinner that you don’t really care for liver and onions, and your plate is suddenly whisked away from in front of you.

4. You arrive at your house two seconds after the designated time to stop playing dodge ball with the neighborhood kids and you see that the porch light has been turned off.

5. Anything that requires Mom to consult with Grandma about the appropriate punishment.

6. Getting off the bus after school and realizing that she was already home from work.

7. Those moments you stupidly said something like “everybody else’s Mom is letting them do it”.

8. You walk into your bedroom and discover that your favorite toy is missing.

9. Any conversation that she starts with “I was talking to your school principal today…”

10. She slams on the brakes for no apparent reason while you and your sister are arguing with each other in the backseat of the car.

11. You threaten to run away because of the horrible injustices you are suffering within this family and she offers to help you pack.

12. You are squirming around in the pew at church, all fussy and bored, resulting in the accidental dislodging of the hymnal from its proper resting place, and the resounding boom of book meeting floor interrupts the pastor’s sermon on proper child-rearing.

13. She answers the phone and it’s the next-door neighbor, the one who never calls your mother just to chat.

14. She walks into the den and is fully aware that you have been jumping on the couch again even though you stopped doing that ten minutes ago.

15. The dreaded words “this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you…”

16. The fake smile she gives the floor manager at the department store after he informs her that you were caught running in between the clothing racks and knocking things over.

17. The lack of the phrase “just wait until your father gets home” when she confronts you with another ill-advised activity, thus negating the cool-down period before retribution…

18. The realization that the trash did not make its way to the curb, despite the repeated memos from the home office that you needed to make sure that happened.

19. Your inability to rewrap your Christmas presents just like they were before you decided to play detective.

20. That look she would give you  when she was having to remind herself how very much she loved you….

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