Wednesday, May 7, 2008

The Second One

Apres moi, Le Deluge.

(Tiffy, look it up on that satanic translator website you use that I detest. Others, just go with it, mmmkay?)

So anyway. Now that my quest for World-Wide Blog Domination has begun (why dream small?), I'm now experimenting with adding photos to the site. Yes, frightened friends and casual acquaintances, you know that I have them and you know that I will use them. Pray to your gods, whomever they may be. But before you legally change your name and have to move, I must confess that I'm having a tad bit of trouble with getting the photos and captions to look the way I want them to look. I am basically intelligent and have the natural gay ability to arrange things with flair, so how difficult can this be?

But no, the geeks that developed the software for this site are sociopaths intent on somehow achieving validation by throwing roadblocks in the path of innocent users. (Even gay ones with flair, which is an abomination and should not be allowed, even in the state of Oklahoma, where they are still mystified by the development of toilet paper.) Why can't I simply click on cute little action icons to accomplish my desired results? This shouldn't be difficult. We've put a man on the moon and allowed an idiot from Midland, TX to be the Supreme Commander in Chief for 8 years. ("Mission accomplished in Iraq!" the bitch said, FIVE YEARS AGO!, while standing on that aircraft carrier, in a jumpsuit that he never wore in real life, with the G.I. Joe "pull me and I'll say something programmed" string trailing behind him.)

So I am perplexed.

For example, I was able to load three related photos on the right side of the blog. Initially, this sounds promising and votives should be lit. But I wanted these photos to be in the same grouping instead of individual entries. Couldn't figure out how to do it. I wanted the captions to break in the way I intended so they didn't look awkward and Oklahoman. Couldn't figure out how to do it. And most importantly, because true humiliation for the subjects in the photo is not complete unless you can see a big-ass version of the photo, I wanted people to be able to click on the photo and see the Cinerama version. Could NOT figure out how to do it.

Oh sure, I tried clicking on "Help" for any nuggets of wisdom there might be. This was a wash. Entering "post photos" in the search field resulted in a link on how to take pictures. I've already DONE that, Geek 7A in cube B12, you're sure as hell not getting a tip when the slutty waitress finally wanders by to pick up the check. And entering "click on photos" (hoping this would tell me how to make them bigger) took me to a website for crab dip. Love crab dip, hate worthless search engines.

So, on Day 2 of Blog Domination, things are not going as planned. I will persevere (the gay flair thing, natch) but it may be a bumpy ride for a bit. Keep the faith, peeplings, and we will eventually triumph.

Final Note: I did update the settings so that visitors can post comments even if they are not registered users. Yayzz. Of course, this just might result in me getting a grammar-challenged email from a certain person in Crawford, TX saying "whut du yu mean we ain't wun the Eye-Rockee War?" But I can deal with this, and will respond accordingly: "Cheney got a gun, you better run."

The Apocalypse? A president that can only understand nursery rhymes.

Peace out.


  1. Okay so here's where I'm at mentally. A: Stanic translator says "After me, the Flood" and I think to is this ANOTHER bathroom tragedy? Because terrible things happen to you in public restrooms.
    B: I am but a SHELL of a blog, and you have not only TWO posts but effin party pics to go with. As Beth would say, "I say NAY!!!!"
    C: did you try
    and finally, if I find one g d party pic of mySELF in cyberspace flashing from this blog without preauth I will cut you.

    oh and hay, write that recipe down for the next deal, we never know what to make, know what I'm sayin.....

  2. is it an ironic coincidence that I couldnt spell Satanic right?

  3. Love the blog, when are you coming back to NYC? Promise we go back to Monster!!!