Friday, May 7, 2010

Searching For Signal: #127 - “Survivor” - Heroes vs. Villains - Episode 12

Once again, everybody is traipsing back from Tribal, babbling about this and that while the night-vision cameras roll. Of course, the main topic of conversation is that naughty little Candice flipped, causing Sandra to NOT flip, resulting in a very-surprised Amanda getting sent home. Poor Amanda. Girl just can’t win. Literally.

Sidebar with Jerri, on Candice: Someone who flips that easily will just as easily flip back. We don’t really need her anymore. (Hey, Jer, considering how many times you and your hair have flipped, I guess you would know all about that, right?)

Cut to Rupert and Colby, who are fussing and whining about the Candice thing. (“She KILLED us.”) Then they call her a string of names which all come down to the same thing: You guys weren’t paying any attention, and she blind-sided you. In a way, isn’t that really YOUR fault? Just something to consider while you moan and feel sorry for yourselves.

Rupert in a sidebar: Candice is dead to us. “There are no other Heroes left.”

I’m sorry, Rupert. I stopped listening to you a long time ago whenever you try to say something noble, boring and slightly-delusional. Could you repeat that? On second thought, don’t.

Roll opening credits.

Well, hell, Rupert’s in another sidebar, with an astounding revelation: “I think Russell is a deceitful person. Anything he says is a lie!” (OMG, really? NEVER would have figured that out on my own.) But then Rupert promises to stir things up with Russell, which could prove interesting. We’ll see. Unless you’re just all talk once again, Rupert.

The producers prove me wrong by cutting to Rupert stirring things up with Russell. “You SWORE on your kids’ LIFE. Does ANYTHING mean anything to you.” It gets really heated, with Rupert punching all the right buttons. Of course, this means that Russell reverts to the only tactic he knows. He threatens Rupert. Oh, and he cusses a lot. There was so much bleeping going on that I checked the microwave to see if the popcorn was done.

Russell in a sidebar: “Rupert, pack your stuff, you’re going home.”

Then we have everybody traipsing into a clearing, fully expecting to play a Reward Challenge. Jeff surprises them by announcing that this will be an Immunity Challenge, and there will be another Tribal tonight, just one day after that last Tribal. (That sound you hear is 8 sphincters slamming shut.)

This competition is fairly simple. You stand on a little platform with one arm raised over your head. That arm is attached to a bucket with pretty water in it. You drop your arm, you’re out. For added excitement, Jeff is going to tempt the Survivors to bail voluntarily by proffering goodies. Oh, and there’s going to be a twist at the end.

We barely get started, and right at the one-minute mark, Jeff holds up a covered tray. Immediately, Sandra and Russell lower their arms, without even knowing what the prize is. Either those two feel very safe right now, or they weren’t paying attention when Jeff explained that this is an Immunity Challenge. (For those interested in details, turns out the tray contained cookies and milk, which Russell tears into like a rabid skunk.)

Then Jeff waves around some donuts and iced coffee, and Colby takes the bait. (Dude, you really need this Immunity. You can have a coffee break some other time.) When Jeff holds up PB&J sandwiches and chips, Danielle, Candice and Jerri knock each other down trying to get to it first. Why are these people not taking this seriously? There are just a few days left in the competition, and you’re going to blow it on snacks?

This leaves us with just Parvati and Rupert. Jeff reminds us that the last time Parvati played this exact game, she won it by lasting six hours. Six hours, people. I don’t even want to do something that feels GOOD for six hours. We get a shot of Parv, standing there like she doesn’t have a care in the world and confirming that she’s gotten a bikini wax at some point on the island.

Cut to Rupert, sweating and grunting and stupidly wiggling around on his little platform. Dude ain’t gonna last. Sure enough, he “slips” and is eliminated. (We totally believe that you slipped, Rupe. It had nothing to do with your Yoda-ass just giving up.) Parvati is safe at the next Tribal.

Then Jeff reveals the twist: It’s a clue for another Hidden Immunity Idol, but this time he just reads it out loud so everyone has a fighting chance. He doesn’t even finish babbling before the Survivors are racing over a hill and back to camp in a mad frenzy.

Scenes of crazed running, rudeness, destruction of local flora and fauna, and butt shots.

Lo and behold, SANDRA finds it, probably the laziest person on the island. (I had to rewind and make sure it wasn’t Russell in drag, because normally the idols fall out of the sky and into his lap while he’s doing a sidebar.) Sandra buries it under another bush and doesn’t tell anybody.

Rupert, meanwhile, has a plan. He finds a rock that is roughly the size of the Idols this season, and prominently positions it in a shorts pocket for people to notice and wonder about. And guess who falls for it?

Russell in a sidebar: “I know exactly how an idol looks in a pocket,” and THAT’S an idol. (It would be too easy to mock this statement with a sexual reference, so I’ll refrain.) Russell first races to tell Sandra that Rupert has the idol. (The one person who actually DOES have the idol. She, of course, doesn’t say anything.) Then Russell tells the Pixies.

So we have a quick scene with Parvati, Jerri and Danielle. They realize they need to split the vote between Colby and Rupert, just to be safe. But they sure want Candice out as well. What to do?

Stupidly, the Pixies are babbling away while Colby is RIGHT THERE, pretending to be interested in a coconut. He runs to tell Rupert the plan, half the votes are going your way, the other half will be either me or Candice. We NEED to vote for Candice. It’s our only shot.

Time for Tribal.

Jeff to Rupert: What was the fallout from the last Tribal? Rupert rambles on again about only two heroes left, blah blah, but bottom line is that Candice flipped. Candice says the numbers were already there, it didn’t matter what she did, so why go down with a sinking ship? (Which is a lie. Sandra was ready to flip, until Candice forced the issue.) Colby slams her. Very satisfying.

Then we talk about the idol, with Rupert slyly saying something that SOUNDS like he has the idol, but he stops short. Russell practically turns handsprings, because he takes this as validation that his guess was right. Then again, Russell gets validation by simply waking up in the morning and realizing he has yet another day to lie to people.)

Time to vote.

When Jeff comes back from “tallying the vote”, and asks if anybody wants to play the idol, Rupert continues his little charade by fiddling with his pocket while Russell grins. But Rupert doesn’t step forward, and Russ starts to realize that something is up.

Jeff starts to read the first vote, and we cut to commercial.

What the hell? NOT impressed with that.

Jeff starts to read the votes, and right away there are three for Rupert. Then five for Candice. The Pixies have bucked the Troll’s decree, and Candice is going home.

Jeff: Perfect example that you “can’t betray trust in order to gain trust.”

People march back to camp, and Russell lashes out at his Pixies. They try to assure him that everything is fine, we’ll get Colby next time. He doesn’t care, he’s just mad that he’s not dictating every move. Meanwhile, we have a shot of Parvati wearing Gloria Swanson’s turban from “Sunset Boulevard”. (No idea.)

And we go right into another Immunity Challenge. This is one of those three-part puzzle/obstacle course things, with only the top finishers moving on to the next round. Surprisingly, Rupert really pours it on and makes it to the final round with Russell and Pavati. It’s very close, but in the end Russell pulls it off and is safe. (Damn it.)

The Survivors trudge home in pouring rain, with the scantily-clad Pixies shivering in their mini-bikinis. (Bet you feel real sexy NOW, eh girls?)

Parvati in a sidebar: Rupert needs to go home. I don’t feel guilty. “The Villains are running this place, and there ain’t gonna be any Heroes left. NO Heroes.” Then she giggles. And the camera reveals that she’s apparently still cold from the rain.

Quick scene with Russell, Parvati and Danielle. Parvati is explaining that they need to lock in their 5-vote block. Russell acts like that’s the plan, but something’s bugging him. (Maybe it’s because he has to stand on a box so he can be in the same camera shot with Parv and Danny?)

Russell explains his beef in a sidebar: He is really jealous of Parvati and Danielle being so tight. “I need to break up that couple.” Oh boy, here we go again with his paranoia and Napoleon complex. How is this going to help you win right now, Russell?

So the scampering little troll puts his plan in motion, telling lies to both Parvati and Danielle that each wants the other out. He’s a little more successful with Danielle, but in a sidebar she reveals that she’s not sure she believes him. Russell hits a brick wall with Parvati. She’s not falling for it at all. So what does Russell do? He threatens to send Parv home, natch.

Parvati gets with Danielle, and they realize what Russell is doing. Parv: “I am NOT voting you tonight. I refuse.” And hey, that’s a really cute top, where’d you get that?

Russell in a sidebar: “I’m getting Danielle out tonight, and then Parvati will stick to me like glue.” Then he runs to get Colby and Rupert to vote Danielle. Well, of COURSE they’re going to jump on that. They’re outnumbered. If the Villains are imploding, sign us up.

Parvati and Danielle get Sandra on their side. Parvati: “Now we just have to make sure that Jerri doesn’t write Danielle’s name down.” They race to find her, and she promises: “I’m not changing my vote. Rupert needs to go.” Then Jerri goes to water yoga, or whatever she was doing before the interruption. Aw, does she miss Coach?

Russell goes to Jerri and plays hardball with her, if she doesn’t vote Danielle, then Jerri’s going home. Jerri: “Don’t threaten me, Russell.” Too late.

Time for Tribal.

And really, the whole discussion centers around Danielle. Jeff, once again not really treating people equally, digs at her until she says something he can pounce on, that the Villains are still a tight group. Jeff, smacking his lips in anticipation (or maybe he’s licking up some left-over lobster sauce from brunch), tries to tear this apart.

Parvati finally has enough and steps in. Okay, here’s the deal. Russell tried to pit the two of us against each other today. Jeff: “So Russell, you got caught.” Russell: “I didn’t get caught.” More lies spew out of his mouth, some serious ones. And because he won’t let Danielle get a word in, she can’t really defend herself.

Danielle finally breaks down in tears. On the one hand, it’s really all her own fault for hooking up with devil Russell. There’s that. But Russell is such a lying bastard And it gets worse. Right in front of everybody, Russell leans over to Jerri and tells her to vote for Danielle. (Jerri, somewhat startled by this blatancy, pretends to be fascinated by a patch of dirt.)

Parvati is so pissed she could explode. SOMEbody’s not getting a Christmas card this year.

Time to vote.

Danielle, Parvati and Sandra vote for Rupert.

Russell, Colby, Rupert and Jerri vote for Danielle. (Meaning Jerri flipped yet another time, is anybody paying any attention to this?) Danielle and her tears exit stage left, booted from the power trio. (It’s just like “Dreamgirls”! Only not really.)

Parvati to Russell: “That’s messed up.”

He just smirks.

No comments:

Post a Comment