Friday, June 3, 2011

Live Blog #7 - A Lost Dialogue

Note: I found this while digging through some old draft blogs. Date unknown. Best I can tell, I never posted it. So here’s a little treasure from those days when this blog was “live” from Tierney’s in Lewisville, TX…

4:20p Well, back in the saddle at Tierney’s again. It’s just me at the moment.

4:20p And I totally despise the people sitting at “our” regular table. I really don’t understand this. There’s just two of them, they aren’t eating, and they look boring. Why didn’t any of our dedicated servers do something to stop this?

4:23p Gin-and-Tonika just got here. Yay!

4:25p OMG, the horrid people at “our” table must have sensed my outrage, because they just left. Gin-and-Tonika and I nearly break our necks leaping over to claim the table, knocking down new patrons who have just wandered in. I’m happy now, despite the fact that the departed guests were apparent pigs. Good God, how many Sweet n Low packets can a person possibly use?

4:30p Suctionetta thought it would be cute to steal my lighter and skip away. Hate him.

4:31p Gin-and-Tonika is very animated, discussing her day and the amazing things she encountered. I’m trying to type as well, so I’m not really catching everything, but I obviously don’t have much of a life. Fun things happen to other people. I just blog.

4:35p Gin-and-Tonika is talking about something called “Slingbox”. Never heard of it, but the name alone has me enraptured.

4:37p Beer two, already. Oopsie.

4:39p Sage just walked in, so I try to act like I can’t see anything while he and Gin-and-Tonika basically have sex instead of simply greet one another. Wowza.

4:41p Discussion begins concerning the pros and cons of Netflix. We had this service years ago (way before they delivered it to your desktop and we had to use snail mail). We had to cancel after a while because the discs would pile up on the coffee table and sit there for months. We had them long enough to give them pet names.

4:48p Sage: “You made me spew, man.”

4:49p We move on to “Big Brother”. We hate everybody on the show and it’s boring. But we still all tune in. Because we have addiction issues.

4:52p Sage and Gin-and-Tonika are now sharing lewd texts that they have received throughout the day. Again, I’m totally missing out on life. I get texts like “We’re out of bread” and “Hi.”

4:54p Sage, temporarily not impressed with Gin-and-Tonika: “God, you take a good conversation and run it into the ground..”

4:55p Gin-and-Tonika: “You ask me what I want and then you bitch.”

4:57p Me: “What in the hell is wrong with this ketchup bottle?”

4:58p One of the servers, Ray-Wow, appears to be stomping about in a bad mood. I suppose I should inquire and find out what might be the issue, but it was really hot on the drive out here and I’m worn out. Plus, I don’t really care.

5:01p Gin-and-Tonika shares a story that Donald Duck is being sued for molestation. The mind boggles.

5:02p Apiphany stomps in the door and throws her 37 critical electronic accessories on the table, and immediately begins texting everyone she has ever known.

5:07p Sage: “I took his rat!”

5:08p Gin-and-Tonika: “I don’t recognize that ass OR those hands.”

5:10p Blinda waltzes in the door.

5:12p Blinda immediately shares a story that her can opener died.

5:15p Blinda: “I have my hormones back in place this week!”

5:18p Bathroom Condition Status: There were little gnats flying around my business as I DID my business. Not really impressed with that.

5:20p Delta Jo just made an appearance.

5:21p Apiphany: “So the tiny little screw fell out of my 3-dollar sunglasses today.”

5:22p Apiphany: “And then he proceeds to tell me that he had a vasectomy 10 years ago.”

5:25p Delta Jo: “Well, I wasn’t going to come, but I walked in the door at home and one of the cats had thrown up on the floor. I really couldn’t deal with it so I slammed the door and got back in the car.”

5:26p Delta Jo, totally different story, we‘re assuming: “He had a stack of porn and a bottle of vodka.”

5:30p Apiphany decides that she’s going to hit the jukebox, and takes donations. Everyone throws cash at her so she’ll go away and stop talking about it.

5:34p Taking a break. Nachos are in our midst. Enough said.

5:45p I venture outside to retrieve the requisite Zantax, Gas-X and Excedrin from the car. We’re high-maintenance at our age. But I almost died during the 20 seconds I was out there, which would have made my medication run pointless. Life is full of risks.

5:50p Apiphany, speaking of Delta Jo: “She does a clean and tidy on her kitties.”

6:03p Sage: “We had our own games at the house, man. We use to watch ‘Password’ and cover the answer with a piece of paper.”

6:04p Delta Jo: “You were really poor, weren’t you?”

6:07p Blinda: “I was the baby, I was a brat, and I still am.”

6:48p There has been a tremendous gap as I receive counseling from Apiphany about exactly what I should be doing with my life.

7:38p Still totally ignoring the live blog, lots going on as my peeps try to get my bio and profile pic set up for a website that has graciously asked me to contribute some posts.

And it ends there. The rest of the evening is apparently shrouded in beer-drenched mystery. I can confirm that I wasn’t arrested at any point. Other than that, well, who knows…

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