Sharon blinked in the brightness outside Applebee’s. “So this is what it looks like, eh? I’m not used to leaving buildings where alcohol is served while it’s still daylight.”
Hexom agreed. “And I’m leaving with a woman. I’m sure some queen will be sending an update to the lavender network within seconds.”
Sharon suddenly stopped walking. “Wait. I forgot to call and make an appointment at this place. What was it called? I don’t even have a phone number.”
Hexom smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure the number is in your new phone. They take care of things like that.” Then he stole a quick glance in the side view mirror of a new car to ensure that his hair product was still performing as advertised.
Sharon rummaged in her purse, which took a while, considering the poor receptacle was crammed with makeup accessories, toasters and a baby grand piano. At one point, a startled leprechaun leapt out, gave her a look of complete dissatisfaction with the goings on, and then raced around the corner of the building to call his agent.
Sharon finally found the new device, whipping it open to study the directory. She let out a small gasp of surprise. “Hexom, there’s at least a hundred numbers in here. I don’t even want to know that many people, let alone talk to them.”
Hexom continued pretending to not be primping, even though it was very clear to everyone in the entire county. “I told you, they take care of things. Now, find the number for Fantasia Salon and set something up. We need to get out of this ghastly heat before I actually start to perspire, something I haven’t done since 1987 with that pregnancy scare.”
Sharon, having punched a button and placed the phone to her ear, started to make a witty retort concerning just WHO had been pregnant, when a voice came on the line. “Thank you for calling Fantasia Salon, where we can make you beautiful no matter what other people say.”
Sharon: “Yes, I need to make an appointment, as soon as possible.”
Voice: “Ah, a follicular tragedy requiring emergency care.” (Sharon instantly hated this person just because of that sentence.) “How may I assist? Did you have a particular conductress in mind?”
Sharon: “Conductress?”
Voice: “Yes, of course. Here at Fantasia Salon we make symphonies of style. We treat our customers almost like a song.”
Sharon felt a tinge of her lunch tacos attempting to repeat. She hoped she never met this person face-to-face, because she wouldn’t be able to stand it and would strike him out of general principle. “Oh, yes, I have a name. One second.”
Sharon looked at Hexom. “What was the name again? October? Something like that.”
Hexom sighed. “April. As in showers. You really need to remember the details, sweetie. It’s important. Trust me.”
Sharon made a face. “Why do I need to remember anything when you’re right here? Which reminds me. Let’s discuss a business arrangement once I’m done with Pollyana here.” She brought the phone back to her glistening lips. “It’s April, I need to speak with her. Or him. Assuming you can stop having musical delusions and push the right button.”
The Voice’s attitude changed, not because of the sideways “Glee” slam, but apparently due to her choice of composer. “Oh, April, is it? Well, then, I suppose I can connect you with her, assuming she’s not busy with an animal sacrifice or some such.” Sharon was placed on hold.
While waiting, she consulted with Hexom, now examining his teeth in the car mirror. “Do you know this April? Is she a pagan priestess in her spare time?”
Hexom licked his pearlies, then turned to Sharon. “Oh no, she’s fine. A little wild. But VERY entertaining. You’ll see what I mean. And maybe she’ll trim me up a bit while we’re there. She missed one strand of hair last time.”
Sharon was slightly miffed. “So she cuts your hair? Why didn’t you say something, ya big ‘mo.”
Hexom sighed. “Honey, you have got to learn to do this stuff on your own. I’m telling you. I can’t always be here. I have parties to attend, full of overtly sexual tension where we boys frolic about and tease one another by doing random slutty things.”
Sharon, less miffed. “I can only imagine. But about your availability, I was going to-”
There was suddenly a voice in her ear. “What up, bitch?”
Sharon ran with it. “Not much, Ho. Just waitin’ on your skanky ass to pick up.”
April cackled with delight. “We tight already. When can you come in?”
“How about now?”
There was only a slight pause on April’s side, then “Now? Let me see. (‘Geraldine, can you hold this bleach, Momma’s gotta check her book.’)” Sounds of pages being turned. “Okay, um, I’ve got a doctor next who still hasn’t figured out that he needs him some man meat in his life. I’ll call him and tell him I’ve got the clap again. Come on down, girl. And bring some vodka.” Click.
Sharon threw the phone into her satchel. “We’re on. Let’s go.”
Hexom stopped caressing his bicep. “Whose car should we take? Wait, will that Alejandro guy of yours take us there? Maybe he can take his shirt off for our amusement. I can pretend to be a leaf in the pool while you direct him where to drag the pole.”
Sharon snapped her fingers, and Alejandro, apparently hiding around the corner with the disgruntled leprechaun, sauntered their way while flexing in his tight outfit, causing a three-car accident on Illinois Avenue just on the other side of the hedge. “You have need of me, Miss Sharon?”
Hexom, mind racing, made a small gulping noise, followed by many silent offerings to all available deities in the sky. Any sky.
Sharon waved a hand at her car. “Allie, please take us to the address that Mr. Breen provides.” She briefly glared at Hexom. “He seems to know far more than I. And call someone so that we have vodka and some nibbles waiting at our destination. Apparently this is required.” She headed toward the car.
Things were soon settled, and the vehicle was whizzing down Illinois. As they turned left onto Polk, Sharon turned to Hexom and said. “I have a proposition for you. I trust you might be interested, because there’s money involved.”
Hexom smiled. “As you hinted at just minutes ago, there are some things you don’t know about me. And one of them is that I have more money than I will ever be able to spend.”
Sharon grinned. “Isn’t it delicious?”
Hexom nodded. “So this proposition of yours?”
She sighed. “Well, I was hoping to hire you, so you could help me out with this mess, but it appears that I will have to entice you in another way. I mean, there’s Alejandro, but eventually you will have to have an actual conversation with him, and his charms will diminish.”
Hexom chuckled. “That’s usually how it goes. But why wouldn’t I just help you because I want to?”
Sharon studied his face for a moment, then smiled once more and patted his manicured hand. “Thank you.”
The newly-minted friends rolled on down the road, Alejandro’s shirt tied to the rear bumper and flapping in the wind….
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