Thursday, May 26, 2011

Backup Dancers From Hell: Kelly Clarkson - “Already Gone”

We start off with the camera zooming in through Patti LaBelle’s hair, then we see Kelly in Full Glamour mode, with her hair coiffed like Veronica Lake and sporting some slinky couture. Then we have some shots of Kelly’s pad, and apparently the girl has got a few bucks. I guess that singing career has been alright for her.

Next we have Kelly sprawled on a fancy sofa in another outfit, wearing a necklace that could probably fund the government for a few months if people would just get their priorities in order. She sings for a bit, then I guess she’s done with her nap, and she quickly changes back into the “standing up” outfit we first saw her in. Whoops, now she’s back on the couch. Girl just needs to pick a spot and a dress and just finish the song, yes?

Nope, she’s still undecided on her look, choosing now to wear a long black formal and a ponytail. She might have a headache, because she keeps touching her forehead, but I’m sure she’s got people who can take care of that. Ponytail Kelly starts to walk around her spacious apartment, carrying a single flower to indicate her sadness, and singing the lyrics to various objects, like some abandoned slippers on the grand staircase and a string of pearls that might be hanging from a bidet.

This Kelly gets to sing longer than the other two, so she might have finally made her decision on what to wear to that ceremony later tonight where she has to pick up another award and try once again not to trash American Idol. And even though this Kelly walks around for miles, we don’t seem to be repeating rooms, so that must be one big-ass apartment. No wonder she finds it necessary to yell parts of the song. The people in the cheap rooms deserve to hear her as well.

Brief interlude with close-ups of more jewelry adorning various Kelly body parts.

Kelly starts singing again, but she’s not walking around as much, so we might have ended the home tour. She gazes dolefully at the camera, then we see that she might be distraught over the fact that someone spilled champagne on a pretty piece of furniture and didn’t bother to wipe it up. (Did Randy Jackson drop by earlier?) But Kelly’s not sad enough to put down that damn flower and reach for a rag, so I guess it’s all good.

Now Kelly is in a large room where orchestral instruments can play themselves. This is a little disconcerting, seeing violin bows floating magically in the air, but Kelly must be used to it because she hangs around in here for a while. In fact, she heads to a clearing in the middle of the instruments, where she can stand and do her trademark hand movements while singing more of the song. The instruments must enjoy her company, because they get louder.

Kelly gets tired again and decides to sit on the floor and lean against the piano. This might not be the most comfortable position, but it does allow Kelly’s hair to reach the keyboard and keep the melody going, so that part is interesting. (A few of the bass violins seem to be a little jealous of Kelly’s seating choice, so they quickly tidy up their woodworks and try to look like comfortable and relaxing rest stops.)

Kelly’s hair finally finishes its solo, so she heads back to that couch and the bronze dress with the budget-fixing necklace. She wallers and sings for a bit, then we check up on the other Kelly’s. Ponytail still considers that flower to be her best friend, and Veronica Lake appears to be witnessing for Jesus while speaking in tongues. Since everybody is at least busy doing something besides entertaining us, we‘ve probably overstayed our welcome, and we can quietly let ourselves out of the house while the song winds down…

Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.

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