Friday, November 25, 2011

20 Reasons Why Republicans Are Just Like Thanksgiving Turkeys

1. They both make a lot of pointless noise about nothing.

2. When you put them in the same room they all look exactly alike.

3. Both groups could float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, one for the theme and the other for the hot air and the fact that their movements are controlled by somebody else.

4. They both try to distract us from the real issues by sporting unnecessary things on their head.

5. They both are very popular in rural areas of the country.

6. When confronted with something they don‘t recognize, like the truth, they just stand there and blink, not sure what to do.

7. Some members of both species have wattles around their neck, but with the Republicans this is often just a euphemism for a past history of working for behemoth oil companies, claiming they never said something until the video surfaces, or having spouses who are deeply in the closet.

8. Both of them make you sleepy.

9. Despite claiming to stand for moral values, they are often found flat on their backs in the middle of a dining table, with their legs in the air and strangers touching their body parts.

10. Some people can agree with eating certain parts of them, but nobody likes the whole thing.

11. Neither group actually understands that if they don’t pay taxes they won’t have roads to drive on to get to the Nascar races.

12. They both expect somebody else to clean up their own droppings.

13. Both groups firmly believe that if you just keep repeating something, it will become true. Like the turkeys with their gobbling and the Republicans with their insistence that the current economic situation magically happened at the very second Obama opened the front door of the White House.

14. Both groups are associated with congealed cranberry sauce, one for the side dish and one for the content of their speeches.

15. Both groups are skilled in the art of fake support, like the turkey who pretends to love the farmer for the food he brings every day until it’s hatchet time and then he runs, and the Republican who waves the flag for our troops just to get votes and then he runs when the troops come home looking for decent benefits.

16. Both of them are very good at standing in a line and not making any sense, like turkeys trying to do math or Republicans at a presidential debate. And they will both claw you to death rather than admit they are wrong.

17. If somebody comes at them with an axe or a grand jury investigation, they both point at less-fortunate animals in the barnyard and blame them.

18. When you get fed up with either one, there is still way too much left over the next day.

19. No matter how pretty and right you think you are, time and circumstance will eventually catch up with you, and you will shoved someplace where it’s very, very hot. And no one will ever come to help you out, even when the little red things pops up.

20. They both have things stuffed up their ass. This might explain why their head is missing.


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