Sunday, January 16, 2011

Backup Dancers From Hell: Lloyd - “Lay It Down”

We start out with a nice aerial shot, flying over a city that somebody else might recognize. Cut to Lloyd and a lovely lass strolling along a street. (Naturally, he has his shades on because it’s pitch dark outside.) They’re holding hands, which is refreshing, because in some videos people would already be having sex 7 seconds into the video.

Cut to Lloyd standing in… not sure. Is this a fancy bathroom in a hip night club? Maybe Lloyd will sing about it and tell us where he is. Well, no, he wants us to lay our head on his pillow. I don’t really want to do that, but I’ll see what else he has to say. Seriously, he wants us to lay our damn head on his pillow. Lloyd is really pushy. Maybe later, dude. Depends on how the drinking goes.

We start seeing brief glimpses of some finely-dressed people enjoying champagne at what might be a restaurant. They’re just sitting around and quietly talking. Perhaps they’re waiting for Lloyd to make his way out of the bathroom, because he’s still in there, insisting that we get some rest. Maybe someone should go check on him.

Oh good, looks like Lloyd finally broke free, because now he’s joined the elegant people wherever they are drinking that champagne. Lloyd is so happy to be out of the bathroom that he high-fives people and hugs them, even if they don’t know who he is. His lovely lass (let’s call her Janice) is by his side, being fully supportive after his harrowing ordeal.

Everybody raises their glasses of champagne to the notion that all people should be able to exit public facilities whenever they want to. More champagne is poured, because you never know when somebody else might be released from the men’s room and they need to be prepared to celebrate.

Brief shot of what might be a DJ, but he doesn’t introduce himself, so we don’t know for sure. This is followed by more happy people chatting and drinking the bubbly. Then Lloyd is back in that bathroom again, which is probably not an ideal move, but hopefully he’ll remember his way out this time.

Now we have Lloyd eyeing Janice across the table of friends. This inspires Janice to come over and ask Lloyd to help adjust her boobs. That’s all it takes to get the fires burning, and we cut to an alley where Janice is pawing at Lloyd’s clothing. Just to make sure he understands her needs, she turns around and crams her booty up against him. To her dismay, he keeps singing, so she finally resorts to a stronger message, wrapping one leg around his waist and heaving her breasts toward heaven.

Lloyd finally shuts up for a second, realizes that perhaps there are some other things they could be doing right now, and they run hop in his car, headed toward what we can assume is more erotic location than a smelly alley. During the journey, we see shots of Lloyd singing in another room, this one with tufted walls that make it look like he’s bellowing inside a giant coffin. This man sure chooses some odd places to sing.

They finally get to a fancy house (we know this because some butler guy opens the car doors for them) and the loving couple troops inside. Thoughtfully, someone has arranged for an orchestra to be right there, playing along as Janice flings her tiny purse to the side, quickly joined by most of her clothing.

But instead of hopping right in the sack that we actually haven’t seen yet (were they going to do it on the marble floor?), Janice heads toward a really nice swimming pool. (Maybe she wants to rinse off the smell of rotting cabbage that she picked up while doing sexual gymnastics in the alley.) I’m guessing Lloyd is not particularly fond of this change in itinerary, because he starts to sing a little more desperately in that coffin room.

Cut to the couple finally in bed, and we learn that Lloyd has more tattoos than you would ever have imagined. Janice is on top of him, showing tremendous amounts of affection for the ink work. She must have just the right touch, because Lloyd suddenly starts yodeling while his head hangs upside down.

Whoops, now we’re back to the pool, where Lloyd is convincing his little kitten that she can swim later, like after the video’s done. (Apparently we had some focus issues in the editing room.) They troop once more to the boudoir, even though we’ve already been there. More tattoo exposure and yodeling, complemented by shots of Janice flinging her head about with wild abandon so that her dangly gold earrings catch the light just right, accenting the fact that she has breasts, in case we’ve forgotten.

The music fades as Lloyd and Janice consummate their 5-minute relationship. Far off in the night, the von Trapp family is pleased that yodeling is making a comeback…


Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.

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