Monday, January 3, 2011

Backup Dancers From Hell: Rob Thomas - “Someday”

We start off with shots of lots of cars stuck in gridlocked traffic, and no one is very happy. People are arguing and making strained faces at one another, taxi cab drivers look even more bitter than usual, and there’s a general sense of unease, disappointment and the wrinkling of expensive dry-cleaning.

Rob hops out of his taxi to see what the hold up might be, but since it isn’t immediately clear, he decides to start singing for the hell out it, walking down the street and warbling. (Note the blond-haired woman on the right, shoving as much of her body out the car window as she can, struggling to make the best of her tiny cameo. She is determined to be a star, damn it.) More shots of depressed people sitting in their vehicles and pondering the worthlessness of non-moving transportation devices. (Even the little kiddies seem to need therapists.)

Rob keeps strolling along, and a few other people hop out of their cars and start following him. After all, if his destination is making him sing, then they want to go there, too. Maybe there will be free alcohol. Yay!

As Rob breaks into the chorus, we see that some of the despondent people are starting to feel a little better, which means Rob must be a shaman of some type, healing troubled psyches through the power of rhyming couplets. (Rob smirks at the camera, as if we’re only beginning to see the first of his many amazing abilities.) One sad woman that was leaning against a building is now so overwhelmed with joy that she appears prepared to sleep with Rob right there on the street if they can find an empty stretch of pavement.

Quick shot of some youngish folks running along and carrying giant fake trees. They are really excited, but they don’t bother to tell us what’s going on. (No one in any of the cars even bats an eye, so this must be a common site in this city.)

Some lady in one of the cabs starts singing along with Rob as he passes her open window, and her face completely lights up, like the pleasure of her vocalizations is so intense that she will never need another sexual partner for the rest of her life. Meanwhile, Rob is still strolling, and a tiny girl dressed like a bumble bee comes flying around a corner and slams into him with the force of an American Gladiator on steroids. But instead of chastising the tyke for reckless driving, Rob just pats her little belly and sends her off to slam into someone else. (Dude, children, especially children with identity issues like this one, need guidance in life, not belly pats.)

Next Rob encounters one of those street musicians playing her guitar. There’s something really wrong with her hair and the way she’s dancing to her strumming, but Rob doesn’t seem to mind. He sings with her for a bit, then pays her for her part in the video by throwing some coinage in her hat. Rob saunters away while the musician grins madly and shows us a profile shot of her mystifying hair.

We have a montage of all the previously-displeased people we first encountered, showing that all of them are now having the best time of their lives, hopping out of their cars to join Rob in his march to a Better Someday. Rob eventually makes his way to a barricade in the street, where folks are pawing at each other to get a shot of something. Well, Rob just has to see what’s going on, so he easily slips through the crowd, with people practically leaping out of his way because he’s the star and all.

And we see what appears to be a Love Parade, with people waving colorful signs sporting up-with-people and earth-positive messages. (It’s actually pretty cool, so I don’t want to dampen the effort here with snarkiness. I shall now have a moment of sarcasm-silence in tribute.)


Okay, done. The parade of uplifting imagery continues, including a walking and waving mini-forest that explains the tree-dashing we witnessed earlier. We have a giant dove, the littler slammer girl and her bumble bee friends, an angel choir, dancing “world peace” symbols” that are having some coordination issues because nobody thought of putting eyeholes in the costumes, and a groovy bus covered with vibrant and happy symbols. Throughout all of this, we are treated to shots of Rob singing in the crowd, inspiring those around him to swoon with biodegradable and nontoxic fervor.

The angel choir decides that Rob’s heavenly vocals are just what they need to make their ensemble complete, so they wave them over to their float and he hops aboard. (One of the women is a bit too enthusiastic, wrapping her arms around him from behind and appearing unwilling to let go until she gets a ring out of it. Rob politely ignores her until he can perform a dance step that will “accidentally” shove her back into her section of the choir.)

And that’s how we wind things down. Rob and the Divine Thomases bellowing in unison, the rest of the people in the parade joyously shimmying with their placards, and the watching crowd showing all the love they possibly can, fully supportive, without a single counter-protestor in sight to detract from the celebration.

Which is how it should be, right?



Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.

No comments:

Post a Comment