Thursday, September 16, 2010

Searching For Signal: #171 - “True Blood” - Season 3, Episode 12

We start out in the parking lot of Fangtasia, with Eric and Russell sizzling away on the pavement, looking a bit under the weather. While they wait for someone to reach down with a giant spatula and flip them over, they bicker over the importance of Russell slaughtering Eric’s entire family. Suddenly, Godric appears to Eric, bathed in white light and spouting some Hallmark crap about “Forgiveness is love.” This makes Eric contort his face and scream really loud.

Cut to Sookie running through the forest in a billowy dress. A giant, gaudy chandelier descends from the sky and hovers over her, making her all glowy and stuff. She blinks her eyes, and she’s back in Fangtasia, with Bill shoving his face in hers. She leaps off the table or whatever and slaps him, because he interrupted a really pretty dream. “You betrayed me!”

Bill: “I only pretended to betray you, again, so I could save your life, again.”

He has a point, so Sookie changes the subject: “Where’s Eric?”

Pam, face streaked with blood tears and still gazing at the parking lot monitors: “Outside. Burning.”

Well, Sookie is not impressed with that, because it would be one less person who secretly wants her. She starts to rush out the door, Bill tries to stop her, angry words are exchanged, and Sookie dashes out anyway. She uses one of her Sookie powers to break the silver bond between Eric and Russell, hurls Russell against a fence, then drags Eric back into the family-friendly atmosphere of Fangtasia.

Roll opening credits. Did you know that people in Louisiana like to wear dirty ball caps? A lot.

Inside Fangtasia, Pam announces that Eric is very weak and “can’t drop fang”, which I’ve decided is a very fun expression and plan to use in the future. Sookie makes Bill bite her, so she can then feed her magical fairy juice to Eric. Bill and Sookie glare at each other while Eric slurps.

Zip over to Sam’s place, where he and Tara are all aglow after a night of squat tag, and he’s making breakfast for her. When she discovers that the menu includes hoecakes made with bacon grease, this causes the conversation to steer towards why Sam barks in his sleep. He fesses up to being a shape-shifter. She’s not every hungry anymore, faced once again with supernatural people making her life difficult.

Back to Fangtasia. Eric’s all better now that he’s gnoshed on Sookie. And he wants Sookie to run back out to the parking lot and rescue Russell. This is met with displeasure from Bill, Pam and Sookie. Fine. He’ll go himself. Sookie sighs. (Men are just so stupid.) Then she grabs a silver chain, heads back out, and wraps the chain around his neck to drag him back inside. She’s pretty strong for a waitress, lugging half-dead dead people around and all.

Back to Tara and Sam. Tara: “I cannot deal with non-humans right now. I wish I could just re-boot. Be a new person. And forget all this crap I’ve learned in the last few weeks.” Sam: You should be able to do that. You’d be surprised how easy it is.” Tara: It never catches up? Sam: Well, there’s that. You gotta keep moving.

Fangtasia again. Russell is silver-chained to the stripper pole. The vamps have got to go to ground, so Eric tells Sookie to stay and watch over Russell. She’s not really excited about the task, but reluctantly agrees, mainly so she won’t have to look at Bill’s hateful face. As the vamps leave, Eric calls somebody and tells him he’s going to need their help tonight. Hmmm.

Cut to the Bon Temps Sheriff’s station, where Andy is dealing with some DEA honcho who is all hopped up about raiding the place where Crystal’s creepy family is selling V. Jason wanders up, sniffing to find out when the raid might be. Andy drags Jason to his office to school him and make him shut up, but simple Andy spills that they raid will take place today. Jason bolts.

Tara is trotting out the door of Sam’s place, moseying toward the Merlotte’s parking lot, when she suddenly has flashbacks to the hundred or so people she’s seen killed there. This makes her really sad and pensive.

Hoyt shows up at his jobsite, only to find his momma, Summer the Biscuit Maker, and his high-school guidance counselor. They gonna do an intervention, just like on Dr. Phil! Well, it doesn’t go as they planned, mainly because Momma is just too twisted for words. Hoyt ends it with “I love Jessica. If you don’t like it, you can’t be a part of my life.”

Awww. And they say true love never dies. Literally.

Over to Sam’s again. He walks out of his place to find Lafayette hanging around outside Merlotte’s. Laff came in early to make some oyster stew, but forgot his key. Sam lets him in, but not before Laff has one of his visions about Sam, bloody hands and evil threats, that stuff. Okay, we need to find out what’s going on with Laff.

Back to Fangtasia. First, Russell tries to barter with Sookie so she will release him. She plays along for a bit, getting him to offer up 5 million dollars, his plantation, and a promise to kill both Eric and Bill. (Wow. She really is mad at them.) Then she decides not to let him go, so Russell tries to scare her by snarling that every vampire on the planet will be after her for her Sookie juice. And they will suck her dry.

Sookie doesn’t think such threats are very polite, so she sprays him in the face with some of the funky silver mist. Rather than just shut up, Russell continues to threaten. Well, two can play at the bullying game. Sookie snatches up the crystal urn with Talbot’s remains. “Why are you carrying this around?’ Turns out that Russell is actually planning to bring him back to life. Really? How so? Apparently Russell plans to use Sookie’s blood for this miraculous feat of engineering.

Or maybe not. Sookie takes the urn behind the bar, dumps the Talbo goo in the sink, and then flips on the garbage disposal. Russell freaks while blades whirl and Sookie laughs maniacally. Oh my. We be gettin’ vicious up in here.

Jason and Crystal roll up to the drug-shack compound. While very dirty and half-naked kinfolk mill about, Crystal Daddy comes out hollerin for Jason and Crystal to leave. They try to explain that the Feds is comin’. Crystal Daddy finally believes them, and starts ordering his relatives to hide stuff. Suddenly, there’s a gun shot and Felton appears. He’s not keen on gettin’ rid of the V, money to be made and all that. When Crystal Daddy argues, Felton just shoots him in the head. (These are some really nice people. I wonder if I can book a tour?)

Cut to Sam showing up at Terry and Arlene’s. Terry’s sitting on the porch steps, bawling. (Who knows, it’s Terry.) Sam apologizes for the things he said when he was drunk, and Terry cries more. Turns out these are tears of joy. Arlene’s good, the baby’s good, and now he’s got a nice apology to go with it. Ergo, the floodgates are open.

I really don’t understand these people.

Sam has no idea what to say to messed-up Terry, so he goes over to the house Tommy was renting. The place is trashed and Tommy is gone. Uh oh.

Back to the police station, where the DEA agents are rolling out for the big raid. The honcho won’t let Andy come along, instead sending him to the store to get him a pack of cigarettes. Poor Andy.

Once again to the drug factory. Felton has whipped himself into a frenzy, threatening to kill everybody while kinfolk stand around in their underwear and show us their bad teeth. Jason tries to calm him down, saying that’s just the V talking. Felton doesn’t care. He likes violence. (Big surprise.) Then Felton orders “his woman” Crystal to get in the truck so they can drive off and hurt some more people. Crystal agrees to do so, afraid if she doesn’t that Felton will kill Jason.

Before she leaves, Crystal tells Jason that somebody has got to take care of these poor, dirty people. Jason: “Tell me how to.” Crystal: “Just help them. Any way you can.” Then she says her teary goodbye. Jason: “I will find you.” Once the trunk thunders away down the dusty road, Jason turns to the dirty clan and introduces himself.

Tara arrives at her momma’s home, only find Momma playing slap and tickle with her preacher. Harsh words are exchanged, and Tara realizes this is no longer home. She wishes her Momma luck and drives away. Momma just stands there with her fake wig and looks confused.

Cut to Merlotte’s. Sam marches into his office and finds the safe gone. (Courtesy of that model citizen, the now-missing Tommy.) Sam shoves a gun in his pants and stomps out. Meanwhile, Lafayette is just trying to cook food for people, but he keeps seeing those demon images, causing him to flip his burgers wrong and spill grits. He gets on the horn with Jesus. “I’m seeing things. BAD things!” Jesus: “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Fangtasia again. We see a truck drive into the parking lot. Inside, Russell thinks its “my wolves, come to rescue me.” Well, no. It’s Alcide. Sookie spies him, has a small orgasm, and races up to him. “You’ve come to rescue me!” Well, no. Alcide: “Eric called me. Wants me to do somethin’. Said he’d settle all my dad’s debts.” Sookie frowns. “Oh.”

But before they get around to doing anything constructive, Alcide has a beer while Sookie hovers. Alcide: “I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I’d hate it if we never saw each other again.” Sookie beams, because her stable of admirers is apparently intact. But she tells him “don’t be such a good guy right now.”

Eric, Bill and Pam come marching in from… who knows. Eric unchains Russell and starts to drag him out to Alcide’s truck. Bill wants Sookie to stay here, “Pam will protect you.” Sookie wants none of that, she’s going home. And she rescinds the invitation to her house from all the vampires in the room, including Bill. As she flits out the door, Bill and Alcide glare at each other. (Which prompts Eric to say funniest line in the episode, and it’s entirely unprintable.)

Sheriff’s office again, with Andy staring at a vial of V in total fascination. His contemplation is interrupted by the DEA honcho barging in, dragging Jason along. The whole drug bust was a bust. Everybody gone, Jason tipped them off. The honcho storms out, calling everybody backwoods hicks. Once he’s gone, Andy tears into Jason for screwing things up. Jason stops him. “This is bigger than us. Sometimes the right thing to do is the wrong thing.”

I don’t know where they are headed with the Jason character lately, but me likey.

Merlotte’s. Jesus arrives, and he and Laff have a confab in the hallway. Laff: What is going on? Jesus: You opened up something inside you. You’re more sensitive now. Laff: I don’t WANT to be sensitive. Jesus: I’m a brujo. A witch. Laff: A witch? You’re a witch, who’s a nurse, who’s a dude. Jesus nods. Laff: Well, I guess I lucked out, then, huh?

Cut to Tara in a bathroom at Sookie‘s, reaching for scissors. They play it up like she might be about to engage in some bodily harm, but instead she cuts off most of her hair, resulting in a really cute new ‘do. Sookie arrives home, and they chat over a meal. They bond again, sisters once more. Then Tara suddenly announces that she’s “gonna run over to Merlotte’s. Gotta talk to Lafayette.” They hug and Tara leaves.

Something’s going on here, not sure what.

Cut to a construction site. We see Alcide about to drive off in his truck, talking to Eric. “We’re done now, right? You leave my daddy and my family alone.” Off he goes. The camera pans to Russell, thrown into a deep pit, with wet concrete being poured around him. This is apparently Eric’s new plan to keep Russell from finding any redemption after the True Death. Russell won’t really be dead, but will be wrapped in silver and encased in concrete. He won’t get out for a long time. A hundred years for him to go mad with grief.

You think Eric has a little bit of a grudge?

Russell: “I will kill you both.”

Eric gets another vision from Godric, who is very disappointed that Eric couldn’t just let it go. Eric explains that “this is what you made me”. Eric hits a button that sends in more concrete, covering Russell. Godric vanishes, sad.

As Russell’s cries die out, Bill offers his hand to Eric, appearing interested in a truce. When Eric accepts his hand, Bill slaps some silver on it, immobilizing Eric. Bill then knocks Eric into another pit, and starts pouring in concrete. (I know, right?) While Eric disappears beneath the grayish goo, Bill whips out the phone he stole from Eric before shoving him in the pit. “Reuben” answers. Bill: “This is Northman. I want you to find my progeny Pam and kill her. Now.”

Cut to Hoyt and Jessica arriving at a house. He leads her, blindfolded, through the front door, then lets her see where they are. He’s put a security deposit down on their first home. Hoyt: “I want to marry you.” Jess: “We can’t.” Hoyt: “What’s to keep me from becoming a minister and marrying ourselves?”

It’s totally sweet. But as the camera pans away, we see what looks like a creepy voodoo doll lying in one of the other rooms. Great. Nobody can ever be happy in this show for any length of time.

Now we’re in some gun shop, and Momma Hoyt is checking out rifles, her face all pinched and Republican.

Sookie’s house, and a knock on the door. It’s Bill. “We must talk.” Sookie: “Come in.” (So I guess she’s already over her vampire ban.) They chat, with Bill fessing that Russell is gone (Sookie: “Yay!”), and so is Eric. Sookie: Wait. What? Why? Bill: He tasted you. Even if we go our separate ways, I must protect you. I intend to bring the True Death to all who have tasted you and know what you are. Even if it means not being a part of your life. This I swear to you.

Well, then.

The front door flies open, and there’s Eric on the porch. Oh?

Eric: “You did tell her that you were sent by the Queen of Louisiana, to procure her for what she might be?”

Sookie: “What?”

Bill: I didn’t know in the beginning why she wanted you. As I grew to know you, I purposely kept you from her.

Eric: What about you letting two psychos beat her, so you could feed her your blood the night you met? Think she’ll forgive you for that?

Sookie: Is it true?

Bill: Yes.

Eric: He tried to silence me tonight so you would never know. He doesn’t want to protect you. He only wants to protect himself.

Sookie, livid, to Bill: Get out of my house!

Bill is forced through the air but hangs onto the door frame: It was YOU I loved, not what you are.

Sookie: Don’t come near me. Don’t call me.

Bill: I love you.

Sookie: You don’t even get to use that word! I rescind my invitation.

Bill is forced down the porch steps and into the yard, flopping around in the dirt while Eric picks bits of concrete out of his hair.

Eric, to Sookie: I’m sorry to see you suffer like this, but I thought you had the right to know. Then he smirks, because he just got a notch up on the tracking spreadsheet of Sookie’s suitors.

Merlotte’s. Tara drives into the parking lot, gazes wistfully at the building, and then drives away.

She’s gone.

We see Tommy walking along a road. A jeep comes thundering along, and Tommy runs. It’s Sam, and he jumps out of the jeep and chases Tommy through the woods. There’s a confrontation, Sam demands his money back, pointing his gun at Tommy. Tommy doesn’t believe him and turns to go. Sam shoots. I’m guessing he was serious about wanting that money back.

Sookie’s house. She’s crying. Then she suddenly runs out the door. Maybe she forgot to pay the water bill.

Bill’s house. The Queen shows, all haughty. “Bring me the girl. I’ve waited so long to feel sunlight.” Bill: She’s not here. I brought you here under false pretenses. But I do have another surprise for you. Only one of us will leave this house.

They bare fangs and fly at each other.

Quick scene with Eric and Pam at Fangtasia. She’s fine, apparently surviving whatever Reuben tried to to, and getting home in time to watch “Wheel of Fortune”.

Back to Sookie, running through a graveyard. She finds Gran’s headstone. “I followed my heart, but it led me down a dead-end road. I’ve never felt so alone.”

Mystical music plays, and a woman appears. “Sookie, you’re not alone. Come with us.” The woman holds out her hand.

Sookie takes it. Pretty lights sparkle around then, and they vanish.

Roll end credits.

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