Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Backup Dancers From Hell: Pink - “So What”

We start out with Pink at a tattoo parlor (imagine that!) where she’s having them cover up tatts concerning her now ex-husband, Corey, with a big ole “VOID”. Cut to Pink driving a lawn mower down a busy highway, swigging from a go-cup that probably doesn’t contain chamomile tea. People are not happy with her slow-ass contraption, but we know it doesn’t bother Pink for one second.

Interestingly enough, real-life Corey is playing video Corey (guess they parted amicably, but you wouldn’t know it from the lyrics of this song), and we first see him covering Pink’s eyes when she warbles the bit about “I just lost my husband, I don’t know where he went”. More shots of Pink on that lawnmower, giving attitude to the other cars that seem to have a problem with her.

Pink has such a fun life. Just sayin.

Now we have Pink in a guitar store, wearing a pantsuit that we haven’t seen since “Charlie’s Angels” went off the air. She torments the sales guy by taking one of the expensive guitars and banging it on the floor like she just spotted a cockroach. He stupidly tries to stop her, so she naturally punches him in the face and gets all Rambo on his ass. Don’t mess with a girl that has unlimited access to peroxide.

Next up is Pink marching out of her house and up to a tree that has “Alecia and Corey” carved inside a heart. She’s lugging a chainsaw, so it’s probably not a good day for the tree. She starts sawing away, wood bits flying while a nosey neighbor stares from the next yard. (Dude, there’s been a breakup, get your ass back inside and watch ESPN.)

But Dude doesn’t listen, until the tree falls toward him while Pink does a high-kick in the air. She then does a victory dance involving thrusting the chainsaw over her head while raping the air with her pelvis. She must be really happy about her deforestation efforts.

Cut to Pink in a bar setting, where she’s singing the bit in the song about the waiter giving her table to Jessica Simpson. (Why either of them would be in this place is not clear, because it’s not that cool and they both have buttloads of cash.) Anyway, Pink is irritated by some slacker guy at the bar who thinks it’s still okay to do the “Wayne’s World” shtick. Pink decides that there are better things in life to be doing.

So she hops on a motorcycle (after apparently stopping at a drive-thru salon so she can get a new hairdo) and heads out. While waiting at a stop sign, a couple of newlyweds make a bad career choice by pulling up alongside her. Pink takes one look at the happy nerds, and decides to unleash. Next thing you know, she’s throwing beer cans at the duo, erasing the shoe-polish “just married” crap, popping their balloons, and climbing on top of the car to pound on the roof.

Pink might have some unresolved issues that she needs to work through. Just a thought.

Then, in my favorite shot of the entire video, Pink sits down in the middle of the road next to her motorcycle, and has another beer. This woman has her priorities in order. Screw Corey.

But Pink isn’t done with getting the anger out of her system. We cut to her on some paparazzi runway, where she whips off her purple slicker while the cameras flash at her completely naked body. Oh my. She then performs a dance move from the “Thriller” video, which is just icing on the cake. I so want to be Pink in that moment. (Yes, I have my own issues which require public nudity for resolution. Sue me.)

Now Pink is at a hair salon again (surely she gets frequent-flyer miles considering how many times she shows up there) while some confused queen works on her Tippi Hedren hairdo. Pink is stupidly playing with a lighter, so when the queen activates his high-pressure hairspray, Pink’s head goes up in flames. No idea what this is supposed to mean, but Pink has fun pretending to scream and writhe in pain.

Now real-life Corey is back, with him and Pink pretending to hate each other but you know that they don’t. Despite the distraction of Pink wearing a Dogpatch, USA outfit, Corey is able to act like he’s bored with Pink’s whining.

Cue Pink in an alley somewhere, sliding down the wall so she might have some motor-skills issues, then zip over to Pink performing on a stage where there’s lots of out-of-control fires burning. (Did she not learn from that surprising salon visit?) Scene with Pink signing autographs on the foreheads of adoring and probably-stoned fans. More of the performance on the fire stage, with Pink wearing enough eyeliner to fund several third-world countries. She sure likes to bounce a lot.

Back to that alley where Pink had trouble standing up, and we see two guys peeing into beer bottles. (I’m so scared right now I can barely breathe.) Pink takes the bottles and hands them to two other guys, who take a swig and then spew.

Okay, I’m all for complete destruction of ex-lovers via music and lawnmower-riding. But what the hell was that, Pink?

Now she’s in a hotel room where guys wearing underwear are having a pillow fight, with the requisite goose feathers wafting about. (There’s a few girls in the mix as well, but we don’t care.) This leads to a montage of all the angry Pink’s we’ve seen up to this point, and the over-riding theme seems to be, if you break up with me, I am going to destroy life as we know it. Which is perfectly understandable. Men are pigs and global destruction is an inevitable result of that.

Final scene is of Pink and Corey, still pretending to be mad at each other. But we know it’s a lie. Pink would never change her hairstyle this many times if she wasn’t still in love….


Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.

No comments:

Post a Comment