Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Backup Dancers From Hell: Dave Matthews Band - “Crash Into Me”

We start out with what looks like some 18th century women on drugs, running through a park so that their billowy dresses twirl and flip. (To be fair, it’s hard to tell exactly what they’re doing, because some “artistic” person has decided to jack with the look and speed of the film, so things are a bit out of whack.) Cut to one of the band members sitting on a bass violin or some such as it floats in a pond, plucking maniacally at the strings.

Perhaps he doesn’t quite understand how that instrument works.

More images of the whacked out women, first staring at the camera with no emotion, and then they’re off again, waving their skirts in a frenzy, then forming a Maypole circle while Dave stands nearby and starts singing the song. Then we see a man wearing nothing but a skirt of violins and a cute little hairdo. He seems to be sad, so we go back to the crazy girls and Dave in that park. The sisters are now doing something absurd with trees, so I guess the drugs haven’t worn off yet.

But at least the image is clearer now, and we can see these women really enjoy the near-flashing of their private bits. For his part, Dave is standing there with an odd, slightly off-kilter expression that makes you wonder if there might be some wanted posters somewhere with his face on them.

Close-up of two of the dancing girls, who seem to be reenacting scenes from a tragic play where family members keep secrets until they all die. Then we get to see some of the other band members, but the Art Major is back to playing with the film stock, so you only see bits and pieces. A quick check of the man sitting on the wet instrument shows that he is reaching out to Jesus for some sort of sign. (I would imagine the sign would read “Get out of the damn water, you idiot.”)

The girls are still dancing, so I’m thinking there are some underlying issues that really need attention. But we really don’t have time to dwell on that, because next up we have people dressed as skeletons while wearing the skulls of horses. That’s nice. What Goth person got a hold of this part of the script? Oh, hey, there’s violin-skirt man, and he seems to be happier now, so let’s focus on him instead of the creepy horse-people.

And I’m happy to report that Jesus, or somebody, has delivered that one guy from the pond. He’s now on solid ground, at least from a physical standpoint. More artsy jacking with the video, showing images of plants and food, then another shot of the violin-skirt man, who is apparently getting arrested for something. This leads to another band member giving us the universal hand symbol for “stop in the name of love”, which doesn’t make sense, but one of the rings he’s wearing on that hand is really cool. (I wonder if there’ll be a “Where to Buy!” section at the end of the video?)

Whoa, now, those dancing girls are getting a little carried away, with one of them nearly knocking herself unconscious with some over-exuberance near a tree trunk. This is followed by more band members, again done by the Art Major so that you’re not really sure what you’re looking at. It could be a fireman playing a saxophone. It could be a baked potato. This confusion apparently causes that one guy to run float on his instrument in the pond again. Poor thing.

Oh, change of scenery, with the introduction of two Geisha ladies while Dave wears an Asian outfit while sitting on a wooden couch in a field. The Geisha girls are being dragged around this field as they ride odd carts with mannequin heads stuck on them. (One of the girls falls off her cart and rolls away. Not sure if this was planned, but I think it’s my favorite part. There’s something amusing about the sudden tumbling of people in kimonos.)

And they bring on the dancing girls once more, with them still doing somewhat neurotic waltzes whilst wearing far more eye-shadow than should be legally allowed. (Were they looking up exhaust pipes for some reason?) More artsy scenes, the main one having something to do with the girls performing a ceremony to bring Bambi’s mother back to life. Oh, and there’s tight shots of Geisha hair, in case you’re looking for something like that.

Right about 2:38 in, a snowstorm wipes out a section of the dancing girls. It’s sad, but we move on, with Violin-Skirt Man playing a tender parting melody for the petticoats that have been lost.

We have a new cast member in the form of a zombie-like woman wearing her backyard fence as couture. (Recycling is good!) She doesn’t do much except look angry, but the image sticks with you, and isn’t that whole point? A brief shot of the Geisha girls lets us know that they might be secret lovers, then Dave launches into the long “hike up your skirt a little more” bit, with images of the Geisha girls sitting on a bench and preparing to show their world to us. This is just a tad too much of a cultural exchange for me.

Luckily, we cut away to Dave riding a wooden horse while looking over his shoulder for tax auditors, the Geisha girls share some more tender moments, and the dancing girls are still at it, although one of them seems to have snagged her drawers on a pesky stump. We get an update on Pond Boy (he’s currently out of the water), Zombie Chick (still mad), Violin-Skirt Man (still can’t find any pants), and a tribute to the victims of the snowstorm (still dead, but they’re really pretty even if they are frozen).

And that’s basically how we wind things down. The dancing girls show no signs of wearing out, flitting about and humping random trees (with a cameo by Sarah Jessica Parker kneeling by one of said trees), additional close-ups of Dave, both riding his lifeless horse and making that creepy expression, and more messing around by the Art Major, with images of leaves and jockstraps.

One of the final shots is of a ball and chain rolling along a creek bed (did Dave just get out of a bad relationship?), and we end with the dancing girls continuing their rave while cute little forest creatures plot their annihilation if they don’t stop soon…

Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.

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