Tuesday, August 3, 2010

50 Startling Epitaphs in the Bonnywood Manor Graveyard

Note: Bestie Tiffany and I ingested a few Reese’s dark chocolate peanut butter cups and loopiness ensued. We thought it would be fun to make up a few creative tombstone inscriptions. Obviously, we were VERY bored at the time. Here goes...

1. “It sucked and I hated it. Go away.”

2. “Those were NOT my panties.”

3. “Guess you weren’t kidding about that sick day.”

4. “It was this or go home for Thanksgiving.”

5. “Beer run.”

6. “About that eating raw fish thing…”

7. “Oil and water really don’t mix.”

8. “When they said ‘no parking on the dance floor’, I guess they really meant it.”

9. “Mama said there’d be days like this.”

10. “I am away from my computer right now.”

11. “Do not pass go, do not collect $200.”

12. “BRB. LOL.”

13. “Do you have a light?”

14. “Red really does mean stop.”

15. “It hurts when you stick the flowers in the ground.”

16. “Who in the world thought I wanted pink satin in here?”

17. “I might have left the iron on.”

18. “Don’t pick door number three. Trust me.”

19. “Anne Rice got a few things wrong.”

20. “Vodka and a game of Twister. Enough said.”

21. “Should have gone with the cash option on that lottery ticket.”

22. “My son stepped on a crack…”

23. “Most accidents occur in the home.”

24. “Damn waterbed.”

25. “Oh, what a relief it is.”

26. “I told you I didn’t need the extended warranty.”

27. “Gas bubble my ass.”

28. “Was this one of those hidden fees?”

29. “Does my butt look big in this?”

30. “Searching for signal.”

31. “Flew like an eagle. To the sea.”

32. “I guess you found out that I wasn’t really working late.”

33. “Pop rocks kill. (Hey, Mikey.)”

34. “The number you have reached has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”

35. “I knew you’d show up sooner or later, you bitch.”

36. “This is NOT the teddy bear I asked for.”

37. “My back itches.”

38. “Is this why you‘re supposed to use a parking brake?”

39. “You TOLD me this wouldn’t happen.”

40. “Does this come with fries?”

41. “Looks like that one child can start to carry on, carry on.”

42. “But I still have crops to harvest in Farmville!’

43. “Caution. Wet floor.”

44. “Where are my pants?”

45. “One million two hundred seventy thousand beers on the wall…”

46. “I now understand guard rails.”

47. “And yet they let Rush Limbaugh keep living.”

48. “My bad.”

49. “Hey! What’s down THAT road?”

50. “Better luck next time.”

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