Thursday, August 12, 2010

Searching For Signal: #152 - “Big Brother” - Season 12, Episode 15

So we start with the standard review, where we don’t really see anything new, but the whole time the little Announcer Guy is practically wetting himself over the fact that Jeff and Jordan (from last year) are going to host the Veto Competition. Now, I think Jeff and Jordan are precious as all get out, but let’s try to keep ourselves dry, okay people?

Round of Diary Room confessions.

Matt: “Brendon and Rachel are the two biggest threats! They are viruses in the house!” (Um, side note, does Matt ever NOT wear that hoodie thing, carefully unzipped to strategically emphasize his chest?)

Ragan: He makes it very clear that he hates Rachel and Brendon more than anything ever in the history of the world. (But he’s not dramatic about it or anything.)

Brendon: “Whoever stays is going after them!” (Meaning everybody in the entire house. Good luck with that.)

Rachel: “Why am I the bad guy? There’s six other guys in the house!” (And, of course, she yells this so loud that two satellites fall from the skies.)

Rachel and Brendon in one of the rooms, shortly after the nominations. He’s trying to kiss her, but she doesn’t want any of that mess. Then he gets an inspiration. “Let’s go make it awkward for everyone.” This causes Rachel’s eyes to sparkle, and they run from the room, practically skipping.

They march into the kitchen, with people milling about, and Brendon calls Matt a “midget”. (Ah, so they’re going to be mature about this, eh?) Rachel whips her hair around, defying anyone to walk through that mess and live. Some of the people leave the room, because THIS isn’t going to be any fun, and they pile up off to the side, whining about Rachel and Brendon. (Kathy: “Both of them disgust me.”)

Still in the kitchen, and apparently annoyed that she is not getting the reaction she desired, Rachel grabs a red onion and a cutting board, then starts hacking away at the poor onion like it was Adolf Hitler. Really fierce and dramatic. Britney, probably afraid for her life at this point: “Let’s go talk.” Rachel: “NOO!!” Whack, whack, WHACK. Britney screams and dives for cover under the dishwasher.

Rachel and Brendon in one of the rooms, with her pouting. “It’s not a game, it’s personal!” Brendon: If I win Veto, I’ll give it to you. Rachel, bursting into tears: “I can’t play without you!” Then she slams her head down into a pillow, sobbing. (And I think briefly, hey, maybe she’ll suffocate. But she doesn‘t, eventually flopping back over.) Brendon pours on the love, leading Rachel to gaze at him in wonder and mutter: “You’re so surreal.”

That whole SCENE was surreal. What’s up with these delusional people? Remind me to never get a science degree. Something just happens to those folks.

Big Brother then allows the gang to practice in advance of the next competition, which they sometimes do even though I personally think that’s kind of cheating. (No one asked me, of course.) This event is sort of like bowling, with most of the houseguests trying their hand at knocking pins over.

Except Rachel. She’s sitting on this little deck thing, apparently listening to sad music in her head and waiting for the Titanic to go down. She suddenly leaps up, runs into the house, burst into tears, falls on a bed, and wraps herself in a blanket. (Again, a brief hope for suffocation, or possibly strangulation.) Of course, puppy-dog Brendon follows her in there. Rachel: “I can’t DO it!” (Rachel in the Diary Room: “I feel like road kill!” Well, with that hair, you’d be a natural for the part.) Brendon consoles her, and eventually they go back outside.

Where they practice the bowling thing. All night. By the time they wrap it up, Rachel is knocking pins over from here to Vancouver. Hmmm.

Time to pick players for the Veto Competition. Matt draws Kathy, Rachel draws Britney, and Brendon gets “houseguest’s choice”, choosing Enzo (because Meow-Meow never wins anything). Ragan will also be playing, having won that weird Veto Pass thing last week.

A bit later, the doorbell rings. (Yes, the house does have one.) It’s Jeff and Jordan, here for the competition. Hurray! The house understandably goes wild, with hugging and chattering. (Matt in the Diary Room: “It was great to see them, but to see anybody that isn’t us is cool.”) Jeff and Jordan even spend a few minutes in the Diary room, confirming to everyone that they are still a couple. Awww. They cute.

Anyway, everybody tromps outside for the competition. This turns out to be a really long one, time wise, so I’ll try to keep it exciting. Basically, two players bowl against one another, with the person getting the highest score advancing in the game. There are really only three things you need to know.

Once, Rachel loses to Kathy in the very first round. (So much for all the practicing that Road Kill did.) When Kathy lets lose a victory cry when she wins (perfectly natural), Rachel gets furious, thinking the hollah was mean and rude. (This coming from the person who terrorized the “floaters” when she won HOH last week.)

In the very next round, Brendon versus Britney, Brendon gets so mad when he runs out of time that, instead of rolling his final ball, he hurls it through the air, nowhere near the pins, and nearly missing a startled Jeff and Jordan. (I guarantee you the Big Brother producers nearly had a collective coronary. Can you imagine the fallout if America’s Sweethearts had been killed on the set? Holy cow.) Anyway, Brendon is a complete jerk and needs to go home.

Finally, with those two eliminated, the rest of the competition is basically a party, and no one really cares who wins at this point. Well, except for Britney, who DOES win. (In the Diary Room, having just won for the third time: “I am Veto royalty now!”) Everybody’s laughing and giggling, except for Rachel and Brendon as they sit off to the side. (And for once, Brendon is the loudmouth ass, with Rachel trying to get him to calm down.)

Rachel in the Dairy Room: “It was so hard to see Jeff and Jordan happy when Brendon and I were so sad. I’m gonna go confront Kathy!” (What these two things have to do with one another, I have no idea. It’s Rachel.)

Rachel marches up to Kathy. “Can I talk to you for a minute.” They traipse into the daybed room, where Rachel goes OFF. Kathy lasts about five second, then grabs her drink and leaves. “I’m not gonna listen to this.”

Rachel follows her out, still bellowing. Kathy tries to remain composed but has finally had enough. “I am NOT gonna apologize. I beat you!” (Sing it, sister.) Then Kathy walks off again. And Rachel follows her again. All over the house. Still bellowing. It’s wild.

By this time, everybody in the house is so mad at Rachel that they are on the verge of taking her life right there on TV, who cares what happens after that. (Later, in the HOH Room, Britney to Kathy: “If you apologize to her, I will slap you in the face.”)

Rachel is SO gone from this house. Right now, anyway. It’s Big Brother.

Ragan is instructed to go to the Diary Room, where he’s to receive his first Saboteur assignment. In an obviously staged arrangement, because his responses are corny, he reviews some of the suggestions (hide Rachel’s hair extensions, hide stinky cheese in one of the bedrooms) he finally selects “Turn Rachel and Brendon against each other.”

Why in the world would you pick THAT one? Anyway.

A bit later, Darth Vader comes on the monitor, and everybody runs to see what’s up. Darth informs Rachel: “Brendon has been throwing competitions to get himself further in the game. You two can discuss this in the Jury House.”

Rachel doesn’t believe it for a second. And doesn’t care anyway.

Most of the house, led by Matty, think the Saboteur must be Brendon, because who else would make Darth say that? Stupid people. (Ragan can barely suppress a grin during the conversation.)

Rachel goes to Britney, hoping to sway the usage of the Power of Veto. Britney: I don’t think there’s any way I’m going to use it.” Rachel: “I promise anything, and I’ll give you the $5,000” that I won. Britney: Are you kidding me with that? “That would be a target on my back, and I would be going against the entire house.” Rachel: “Then put Kathy up.” Britney: “I’m not using it. One of you is going home.”

And Britney is very cordial during all this. Firm, telling the truth, but cordial. Rachel, for her part, is fairly calm as well, probably in shock that someone IS actually telling her the truth. Her hair looks confused.

Rachel and Brendon again, somewhere. Brendon: “I’m gonna try to keep you here. Let me do something for you.” (In the Diary Room, Brendon hints that this “something” might be pretty drastic.” When Rachel protests, he insists on doing it. “I’m your knight!” Which, despite everything, is sweet.

Time for the Veto Ceremony.

(Brendon in the Diary Room: “If I take a bullet, she will love me.” Good God this boy is one needy bundle of messed-up issues.)

For the “Save Me” speeches, Britney asks Brendon to go first, but he defers to his lady love. Rachel: “I really like you. And I’ll give you $5,000. And I really like you.” Which is stupid, offering that out in the open like that. Eyes roll.

Brendon, taking a deep breath so we know he’s about to do that “something” he’s been babbling about, to Britney: “You are a spoiled brat. You are selfish.” And away he goes. You are in alliances. You are lying to people in your alliances. Blah, Blah. Now, most of it is actually true, but he’s just not right in the head.

Britney just laughs. Then she chews him up, spits him out, throws the Veto in the little box, and then slams the lid. We’re done here.

We finish up with more Diary Room confessions.

Britney: “That was vile and disgusting.”

Brendon: “Hopefully, my plan works.”

Rachel: “That was the biggest gift EVER.” Then she cries.

And her hair still looks confused.

Roll end credits.

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