Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Backup Dancers From Hell: B.o.B featuring Rivers Cuomo - “Magic”

Side note: What does the B.o.B. stand for? Anybody?

We start out with a mini-boombox sitting on a counter, with a message playing that says “Hi, my name is Bob, and I approved this message.” Um, that’s a tagline that politicians use, and it usually indicates that the person knows full well that the following presentation will be total crap, but they think that by saying “I approved” that it will somehow make it real. So I’m already in a dark place about this video.

Next thing you know, the camera is strolling through somebody’s apartment, and we enter a bedroom where we come upon Bob, slumbering. Quick shots of the faucet dripping in the kitchen, and a fish tank. (Meaningless things. This still smells like a campaign ad to me.) Bob finally drags his ass out of bed and staggers to the bathroom.

Where he finds a brightly-wardrobed vixen making him cereal in the bathroom sink. She erotically tastes her concoction, and Bob wisely decides to skip the meal. He wanders back into the apartment hallway, where he bursts into a rap. Something about how he can hypnotize me with his smooth style. Well, he can’t even keep random strangers out of his bathroom, so I’m a little leery of his promises. But he seems very assured of his abilities to blow my mind. Well, probably not MY mind, since I have a penis, but we’ll see.

Cut to Bob adding condiments to a plate of eggs. This might be important, but I’m distracted by what looks like some beaded wallpaper behind him. Who would want something like that in a place where they live? Anyway, Bob raps some more, which triggers some time travel to a garden somewhere with fake pink flamingos shoved into the greenery. Perhaps he shouldn’t have used so much pepper on his eggs.

Oh look, there’s a swimming pool near this garden, and it’s surrounded by busty women who can barely contain their excitement at seeing Bob appear among the flamingos. They all gyrate and walk around in high heels to show their approval.

But before we can determine how lucky Bob might get with the manicured pool girls, we cut to a stage somewhere, with Bob and Rivers Cuomo jumping around while hundreds of orgasming people are bouncing in front of the stage. (I’m probably not supposed to say this, but Rivers’ vocals are way better than Bob, even though Rivers looks like he’s in an episode of “The Big Bang Theory”.) This goes on for a while, until Bob realizes that he needs to grab the spotlight back, and he basically shoves Rivers out of the way, raps a few lines, and then jumps into the throng of people so he can be crowd-surfed. Attention hog.

Back to Bob’s apartment, where he’s wandering around to see who crashed where in his pad. He first spies some passed-out dude in a random bedroom, and he don’t want none of that, so he moseys on down the hall. He runs across Rivers in another room. Still not wanting the dude closeness, so he keeps going. Then Bob stumbles into his own room and discovers himself sleeping in the bed. He decides that it’s okay to touch another guy as long as it’s himself, and he tries to wake his clone.

This doesn’t seem to be working, so cue the buxom girls who were apparently hiding in the pantry and organizing the spice rack. They pile into Bob’s room and start shaking every jiggly appendage they possess, all in the hopes of… I don’t know. (Hey, is that Debbie Harry on the far right at 2:25 in the video? Poor thing. Sucks when you don’t have a hit single and still need to pay the bills.)

Meanwhile, Bob and Rivers and still bouncing around on that stage with the panty-throwing crowd of ovulating women.

Back in the Double Bob room, it seems the chesty girls are wanting to swipe souvenirs, and Bob 1 isn’t really down with that. He tries to stop them, but that just inspires the giddy girls to keep stealing things and jump on the bed. Bob 1 gets fed up and throws some water in the face of sleeping Bob 2. Bob the Second doesn’t immediately respond, so Bob the First tries to do CPR while fighting off the Silicone Army.

One of the crime-inclined shimmy girls decides to whip out a camera as a distraction, knowing full well that rap stars like nothing better than to capture their image for eternity. Bob 1 falls under her spell and begins posing, snatching the camera from the vixen so he can make sure he’s the main focus in the shots.

Then everybody disappears, except for Bob 2. (Or if you want to get technical, Bob 1.) He wakes up, rubs at his face that obviously could never grow a full beard, and finds some of the photos that Bob 1 (or Bob 2, technically) has taken and conveniently left behind right there beside the bed. Bob (whichever) studies the photos and then glares into the camera as the song ends.

Final shot is of that same mini-boombox, with a repeat of the “I approved this message” crap. Thanks for the reminder. But what was the message?


Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.

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