Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Backup Dancers From Hell: Far East Movement featuring Stereotypes - “Girls On the Dance Floor”

Okay, a few confessions up front. I had no idea this group was so huge in the rest of the world, proving that I don’t get out much. Second, there are about 400 million people in this video, so I don’t know which people are from Far East Movement and which people are from Stereotypes. Besides, with all the hundreds of bouncing people and the thousands of shimmying breasts, I can’t tell what body parts belong to whom.

Oh, and because I don’t think any scene in this video lasts longer than 1.743 seconds, with constant jump-cutting from here to Buffalo and back, there’s no way I can develop a storyline to go with this thing. So I’m just going to make observational commentary at critical time points in the video. Ready? Go.

0:01 Some guy standing on a mountain.

0:03 Some guy trying to jump-start his crotch.

0:05 Some girl having sex with air.

0:07 More of the mountain guy.

0:09 Extended shot (for this video) of a girl being very friendly with a pillar.

0:18 Three guys trying to do the Macarena, but only one of them kind of remembers the moves.

0:19 Astronauts in a car.

0:23 People wearing tinfoil on stage.

0:26 Somebody screwing with a blue record on a turntable.

0:32 The Macarena guys are still trying to remember the steps.

0:40 Some guy throws a gold, sparkly purse at some paparazzi. Two people die.

0:47 Some guy is trying to swallow a microphone. His homeys keep dancing.

0:50 What’s up with that ponytail?

0:54 The two remaining members of TLC bump fannies while a lost cheerleader in the background tries to find the rest of her squad.

1:00 A woman’s chest is being attacked by colorful fishies. She raises her arm to signal for medical personnel.

1:05 The guy on the mountain has gas.

1:08 The astronauts in that car are really mad about something.

1:12 Chewbacca from “Star Wars” makes a cameo. No explanation is given. Nobody screams, so I guess things are okay.

1:14 Some guy grabs his crotch. Thank you, rappers of America, the need to fondle your junk has now gone global. Makes me proud.

1:17 Some drunk girl with an odd red belt thinks she’s all that. She’s not.

1:24 Some guy poses in front of a leftover publicity still from Fritz Lang’s “Metropolis”.

1:26 Slutty girls dance with a guy sitting on a toilet. Seriously. I can’t even begin to understand what this means. And I don’t want to.

1:30 Metropolis guy shows us how to count tequila shots. Thank you for that. Couldn’t have done it without you.

1:41 Are those guys flipping us off?

1:45 Toilet guy sings a few words while one of the sluts prevents him from gaining access to the seat liners. She mean. Then Toilet Guy takes a call while the sluts continue to dance. I think this scene right here might explain everything that has gone wrong in Society.

2:01 More astronauts. Shouldn’t these guys be trying to fly something somewhere?

2:03 Limber woman shows her cooter to anybody that wants to look.

2:09 Is that Eminem?

2:13 More bouncing.

2:26 Trying not to judge, but something about this shot says “Ku Klux Klan”.

2:30 Chewbacca proves that he got street moves. Not that he’s going to remember them in the morning.

2:27 Another girl having sex with air. Is this the new thing?

2:43 Moby?

2:49 Can that girl look any less impressed about being groped by a stranger?

2:52 Shout out to the lesbians in the audience.

2:58 Some girl on stage gets electrocuted. Poor thing.

3:06 Drunk girls holding signs. If they try really hard, they might find work at wrestling matches.

3:13 Drag queen gone wild.

3:18 Woman with exposed butt-crack proves that she likes metal accessories.

3:23 Chewbacca loses his mask. This would never have happened if George Lucas was in charge.

3:28 Astronauts, still not reporting for duty.

3:32 Guy on mountain tries directing us back to a place where things make sense.

3:34 Some girl doesn’t understand that “In Living Color” was cancelled a long time ago and she can’t be a Fly Girl.

3:41 People not understanding that you really shouldn’t stand up in convertibles traveling at high rates of speed. (Is that Michael Jackson leaning over the windshield?)

3:42 Confused individual dancing upside down, while a young Shania Twain watches from the right.

3:54 The song ends and the camera pans to some bright lights on the ceiling. I’m thinking the last thing these people need is more stimulation.


Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.

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