Thursday, October 7, 2010

Searching For Signal: #174 - “Survivor: Nicaragua” - Episode 4

We start off with the older Espada tribe marching back to their camp after having evicted Jimmy Johnson. Appropriately, it’s pouring down rain because these people done messed up. (Of course, Jimmy T refuses to believe they’ve done anything wrong: “JJ’s leadership was nothing.”) Then Jimmy T, because he really doesn’t live with the rest of us on this planet, starts singing an annoyingly stupid song, really loud, while the rest of the tribe just glares at him in total hatred.

Marty in a sidebar: “He just has to hear his own voice, 24-7.” (Kettle black, Marty?) “Give him a little rope and he’ll hang himself.”

Roll opening credits.

Still at the Espada camp, next morning, where Jane and Holly, looking extremely haggard and unfeminine, are wandering around and realizing that the tide is strangely high. It seems there’s been a bit of a weather disturbance. We see shots of the limited beach all cluttered with debris. (Jill in a sidebar, fussing about the lack of food and the fact that they can’t fish. Hmm. I always thought the best fishing was right after a rain. Maybe I missed a memo.)

Jimmy T, because he so desperately wants to be the leader of the tribe, tries convincing the rest of the tribe that they should fish like birds. “See that bird over there. How it floats on the water and waits for a fish to come to the surface? We should do that!” Trouble is, Man With Really Ugly Hair, you people are NOT birds. So you can’t fish like them. Understand?

He doesn’t. Jimmy T grabs a net and tries throwing it into the water, like the imbecilic fish are going to leap into the net and wait to be eaten. This doesn’t happen. In fact, Jimmy T can’t even get the net to fan out when he throws it. He fails miserably. The rest of the tribe wanders away to see if there are some rocks they can chew on.

Cut to the La Flor tribe, where Brenda is busily working on the Hidden Immunity Idol clue that NaOnka shared with her. Suddenly, Brenda makes the right connection and figures out where the Idol must be. She runs to snatch up NaOnka (Why would you do that, Brenda? Find the damn Idol yourself and then lie. That’s how you play this game.) and drags Nay to the spot where Brenda thinks the Idol is buried. Of course they find it, doing a happy dance. And of course NaOnka thinks she did all the work. “It’s mine! I figured it out!”

You sure as hell didn’t. Hate you.

Alina and Kelly B are chatting, and seeming to be getting along quite swimmingly. (Alina in a sidebar: “The way NaOnkoa treats Kelly B makes me furious.” That’s two of us, sister.) The two of them race off to find the Idol. (Remember, there are about 46 Idol clues floating around this place.)

Well, NaOnka, because she’s a total bitch, (just making sure we’re all on the same page about that), can’t stand the fact that other people are looking for the Idol. (Even though Nay has the freaking Idol because Brenda is wimpy. There’s NOT another Idol to find.) So NaOnka stomps up to Alina and Kelly B, and then launches into a hate-fest against Kelly B. Nay is horrible. There is something truly wrong with that woman.

Back over to the Espada camp, at night. Everybody’s huddled in the tent, generally fussing, but trying to be upbeat. Out of the blue, Marty nominates Tyrone to be the new tribe leader. (What the hell? MARTY wants to be tribe leader.) Then the mystification continues, with Jimmy T saying: “I don’t wanna be leader, so I accept that.”

Am I watching the right show? Both Marty and Jimmy T would give their left nut to be tribe leader.

Jimmy T in a sidebar, confirming his delusions: “Marty’s not a JT fan.” (Is anybody?) Then he calls Marty a “preppy little bitch”. Well, can’t entirely disagree with that, but because I’m not fond of either one of them, I can’t give anybody props. But most importantly? Please quit showing me Jimmy T with the night-vision cameras, because he really looks like a serial killer and we already have enough of those to worry about.

Next morning, the Espada tribe gets tree-mail. The wording is typically cryptic, but there’s also some blindfolds in the mailbox. Got it. People are going to be blindfolded, and somebody has to lead them. (Wait, did I just sum up every single season of “Survivor”? Hmm.) The tribe decides to practice, which is actually a good idea, because I can guarantee you the pre-school tribe will not come to this same decision, instead opting to lay on the beach and wait for Annie Leibovitz to come take their picture.

So Tyrone makes himself the caller, which he should as the newly appointed leader, and tries giving directions to his blind-folded mates. Trouble is, Jimmy T can’t keep his mouth shut, ripping off his blindfold and trying to tell Tyrone what to do. Jimmy T is a piece of work. And I don’t mean that in a good way.

Marty in a sidebar: “I nominated Tyrone on purpose to rile up JT. JT is delusional and paranoid.” Interesting, and slightly fun. But hey, Marty, did it ever occur to you that you guys actually need to win some competitions? You know about competitions, right? The things you need to win in order to avoid going to Tribal Council? Yes, those things. Quit playing little prima donna games about who has the bigger coconuts.

Time for the Immunity Challenge.

The tribes march into the playing area, with the La Flor tribe totally stunned that Jimmy Johnson is gone. (Yeah, me too.) Jeff explains that a caller will direct pairs of blind-folded people to collect 10 items, and then direct a final pair to find a set of keys, open a chest, and drag it back to home base. Oh, and there’s a reward as well, with the winners getting to pick 3 groups of items provided and sponsored by Sears.

The camera lingers on the Sears logo, in case we didn’t catch Jeff’s words. We don’t really get a good shot of the actual item groups, because that would take time away from promoting Sears. Did you know that Sears was sponsoring this competition? Hey look, there’s a piece of driftwood with the Sears logo burned into it. Sears is sponsoring this competition. Sears. With an “S”.

Is the La Flor tribe going to use the nifty Medallion of Power to gain an advantage in today’s events? Hell, yeah.

And off we go.

Within seconds, it’s very clear that the practicing by the Espada tribe is making absolutely no difference. The older folk are slamming into trees, tripping over pockets of air, and generally not listening to Tyrone calling out directions. (Especially Jimmy T, who actually appears to be purposely doing the exact opposite of what Tyrone yells out.) And the way they keep holding their hands up, like that’s going to help? They look like they’re volunteering to be thrown into a volcano, but I doubt that any of them are virgins. Except maybe Holly.

On the flip side, the younger La Flor tribe members seem to be magically floating directly toward the needed items, and then transporting the goods back to home base within seconds. It’s not even a contest. La Flor wins Immunity. They happily pick up their winnings and prance back to camp, because none of them are really taking any of this seriously. They’re just waiting for the old people to fail, and then they can get serious.

Cut to the Espada camp, where the older folks are a little blue. Danny is trying to be supportive and raise their spirits, which he should, because he’s basically useless. (And stupid, since he paid $1,600 dollars for some ugly shoes and then BROUGHT THEM to the island so Holly could sink them in the ocean during one of her many breaks from reality.)

Jimmy T is not so supportive. “I’m gonna keep fighting for attention so you’ll finally use me for what I can do.” Tyrone: Okay, what would you have done differently in the competition today. Jimmy T: Uhhh…

Tyrone in a sidebar: “I’m sick of JT’s negativity.” Then he checks his pocket to make sure that he doesn’t have two Idols, because he doesn’t want to go home like James did in his shame moment.

Zip to the La Flor tribe, where everybody is celebrating their win and inspecting the trove of won treasures. Chase spies a clue in the fishing tackle box and pinches it. He runs to tell Brenda, and hopes she can help him find the Hidden Immunity Idol.

Brenda in a sidebar: “I feel so bad” that Chase wants me to help him use his limited mental resources to find an Idol that can’t be found because NaOnka the Heartless has already scooped it up, killing a homeless person in the process and spitting on a gospel choir.

Brenda, after hemming and hawing for a bit, finally fesses to Chase that NayBitch already has the Idol. “But you can’t tell NaOnka that you know. SHE has the Idol, and that could affect us.” Chase stares off into the distance at some palm trees, because Brenda just said too many words for him to compute.

Espada camp again, where people are clamoring around in the ocean tide and looking for sea urchins. (Jill in a sidebar: Yep, we’ve been reduced to looking for salty packets of snot to get a little protein.) Jimmy T goes off on Marty for eating some of the urchins and not placing them in the “community basket”, which is really just a bit of net that Jimmy T is lugging around as he hollers at everybody else to do the work.

Marty in a sidebar: He’s fed up with Jimmy T, “calling me out” like that. “That’s the equivalent of putting a gun to your head and blowing your brains out.” What the hell? It was unnecessary, but it’s not equal to THAT. What kind of TV shows do you watch when you’re not on this island? Geez.

Cut to Jane and Holly doing something pointless on the beach. Jane: “I’m gonna write Danny’s name down. I think Coach was sending a message when he wrote down Danny.” Hold up, Jane. You voted to send Coach Jimmy J’s ass home. Now you’re going to get all mystical about signs that he might be sending you?

Marty and Jill on another stretch of beach, with her flame-red hair helping nearby ships find port. Marty: “Keep Danny, he’s the swing vote. Vote JT out.” Then Marty runs off to have his chest waxed by bored monkeys.

Jill and Tyrone, somewhere that Marty isn’t. Jill: “Vote JT.” Tyrone: “But Danny can’t do things.” Jill: I really don’t care. Marty has the Idol, the one that I really found, and now I’m his bitch. Just do it.

Jill runs back to Marty, who is freshly waxed but still not understanding that his hair looks like something that you would call the Pest Control hotline about. Jill: “Tyrone wants Dan.” Marty: I let a monkey touch my love nipples and people are STILL not doing my bidding?

Marty runs to Tyrone: “Which way are you leaning?” (Is the wind really strong out here?) Tyrone: “Dan can’t run in the mud.” (Which pretty much sums it up, don’t you think?) Marty: “I’d rather it be JT.” Marty pushes really hard. Then a pterodactyl flies overhead and lays an egg in Marty’s hair.

Jimmy T, Yve and clueless Holly are standing around somewhere, waiting for their 401K’s to mature. Jimmy T: “I just want a chance in a challenge.” Yve: Okay, what would you have done differently in the competition today. Jimmy T: Uhhh…

Jimmy T just does not get it.

Yve in a sidebar: Kill me now. Can’t stand him.

Jimmy T in a sidebar: “I keep opening my mouth,” and maybe that’s not a good thing.

Ya think?

Time for Tribal.

Jeff to Tyrone: “What happened with the competition today?”

Tyrone (and Marty, because he can’t keep his mouth shut): “It woulda worked if it hadn’t been for the Medallion.”

Jeff is not buying that: You were way the hell behind.

Then Jeff goes after Danny: “You sat out again.” Danny: “I was helping the tribe by sitting out.” Jeff: Point proven.

Jill: “I’m tired of losing.”

Jeff smirks, then turns to Jimmy T: “Is is frustrating to not have leadership?” Jeff is totally poking at things to start a fight. Jimmy T: “Nobody will let me prove myself.” Jeff to Marty: What’s up with that. Willing to give Jimmy T a chance? Marty: “We don’t wanna give him a chance. We have zero tolerance for paranoia.”

Gotta repeat it. Kettle black, Marty?

Then Holly, because SHE’S so grounded, defends Jimmy T. “All he’s asking for is a chance.” (Jane seems to agree, nodding her head.) Tyrone: “He would have more value as a follower.” (And you know Jimmy T popped a blood vessel or two on hearing that.)

Jeff to Jimmy T: Can you handle that, being a follower?

Jimmy T refuses to answer, getting all teary-eyed and “needing a moment”. Oh, please. That is one massive ego right there. Tyrone to Jimmy T: Man up. Be a follower. Jimmy T refuses to accept this fate.

Time to vote.

Jimmy T, Holly and Jane vote for Dan.

Everybody else votes for Jimmy T.

(Jane cusses and is quickly bleeped.)

Jimmy T marches out of the camp without saying a word. Interesting. The only way to make this man shut up is to send him home. Duly noted.

Roll end credits.


  1. Thank gawd. If Jimmy T had been on for one more episode, I would have put a gun to my head.

    Now they need to get rid of NayBitch the Sociopath.

  2. Hi Joyce,

    Thanks for the comments! Yep, NayBitch needs to be on the next boat home. Can't wait to see her reaction at Tribal when she learns that she ain't all that. And I hope Kelly B is still there to see it happen...