Monday, November 29, 2010

Backup Dancers From Hell: Nelly Furtado - “Night Is Young”

We start off with Nelly and all her little friends singing in a church choir. For some inexplicable reason, Nelly is leading the choir as they vocalize about whatever. Everyone is really happy and their choir robes are pretty. Then we spot a guy and a girl giving each other the eye. Oh? Is there lust in the temple?

Cut to a bit later, with everybody pulling off their robes and getting ready for the rest of their night. As they do this, we have Nelly somewhere else, singing the first part of the song, with her hair severely pulled back and all gelled up. The choir folks finally stop screwing around and pretending they like each other, and everyone heads out the door.

Some of the gang piles into the back of a pickup, because that’s really cool and hip, right? The guy and girl who were mentally undressing each other in the House of the Lord hop onto a motorcycle, so there’s going to be sex, because everyone knows that virgins don’t allow throbbing machines between their legs. Nelly jumps into a convertible with a few select friends, so at least she’s not a total tramp.

And we’re off, with all these folks cruising the streets. (Not sure why they didn’t just stay where they were, because it’s all the same people, but kids are wacky these days.) Nelly, in the backseat of the convertible, decides she needs to wear a hoodie as she sings and wiggles. Not so sure that was the best move, but hey, I don’t have any hit singles.

We get glimpses of a trio putting on fake angel wings, some other people wearing really loud pants while they walk along a sidewalk, and some folks in another convertible performing interesting hand movements like they’re doing synchronized swimming. Except there’s not any water in the car, as far as I can tell. But at least everybody’s happy.

Oh look, the angels are on roller skates, zipping along the sidewalk. Let’s hope they’re not drunk, because who wants to get killed by an out-of-control angel when all you want to do is buy a chili dog at a corner stand? At 1:10 in the video, a woman does a sideways high-kick that leaves nothing to the imagination about what she’s looking for tonight. These people are really frisky.

Back to Nelly in the convertible, with the car being followed by hundreds of guys on bicycles. Nelly rewards their appreciation by putting her hands behind her head so that the whole scene pops, so to speak. The guys respond by making their bicycles bounce. I’m thinking that the dating scene has completely changed since I was on the market.

Nelly and friends pull alongside the pickup with half the choir in the truck bed, and everybody waves like this is the most exciting thing they’ve ever done in their entire lives. (I try not to feel sorry for them.) Then we have a montage of all kinds of people driving around and grinning like somebody beat them with a Simple Stick.

Cut to an impromptu break-dance session (do these things still happen?), with people standing around and cheering as individuals try to do their smoothest moves in the middle of the circle. Somebody must have texted Nelly that this was happening, because she and her friends arrive two seconds later to enjoy the show. We then have a very long run of folks strutting their stuff, so I’ll just give you the highlights:

At 1:50, a woman praises Jesus for inventing spandex.

At 1:58, the woman who showed us her barely-clad cooter does yoga.

At 2:04, some guy gets his foot stuck on his head. Frustrated, he slaps his partner. (Dude, it wasn’t his fault, settle down.)

Brief interlude while Nelly and her glossy lips sing an important part of the song while angels continue to roller-skate. It’s very celestial and pretty, and no animals are harmed during the filming.

Then we zip over to, hell, I don’t know where we’re at. Some place that has a DJ. We have more angels, but these are the special kind that wave their hands in the air like they just don’t care, which is good, because they don’t seem to have any other purpose. Oh, and there’s lots of white balloons. This probably means something.

I guess it means that we have to watch more scenes with Nelly sporting that slicked-back hair bun thing, which is not necessarily my favorite look for her. Meanwhile, the angels must have taken the original DJ to Heaven, because now we have a new female DJ that doesn’t really understand what headphones are for, confusing them with a sexual appliance. Doesn’t matter, Nelly can still dance with the crowd, and as long as she can do that, we have a video.

And once more with the break-dancing. Lots of people line up for this, sashaying down the line and proving that alcohol can make you believe you are the hottest thing that ever reacted to a disco beat. (To be fair, one guy bounces upside-down on his hands, which looks pretty amazing, but probably doesn’t guarantee him a real job with the current economy.) There’s also a duo that performs what I’m guessing is a tribute to Tina Turner in “Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome”. If it wasn’t, then those two are just angry for no reason.

As the song winds down, we see the guy and girl from the church gazing at one another with unbreakable devotion. (See, kids? Group singing can lead to long-term relationships and semi-guaranteed regular sex. Join a choir now!) The couple kisses, and Nelly, the DJ, most of the still-sober angels, and half the club cheers. It makes people happy when you score. A torrent of confetti then falls from the sky as a tribute to Romeo and Soprano….

Fade to black.


Click Here to Watch the Video on YouTube.

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