Editor’s Note: This is another one of those videos where there’s so much going on that you can’t really tie a story to it, so we’ll just hit the highlights. Oh, and this is the unedited video, so there’s a bit of language. Not that you should be surprised by that if you clicked on this link…
0:03 Some announcer guy is really stoked about what might be in a locked pink box. Or by what his assistant is carrying. Or something.
0:09 Long shot showing that we’re in a very minimalist studio, where the color black is a key theme.
0:12 An army of young Yoko Ono drag queens is in the audience. They like to sit very still.
0:17 The assistant hits a button on a boom box and we start hearing a sample of Buggles’ “Video Killed the Radio Start”.
0:18 The drag queens are not impressed.
0:28 Oh look, there are some guys that like to sit very still, too. This is a well-behaved audience. Yay!
0:30 Nicki makes her debut. Something really tragic has happened to her hat, but that’s okay, because her fingernails look great.
0:34 Nicki might be having an issue with a gas bubble.
0:41 Nicki’s vocals prove that she knows some racy words.
0:45 will.i.am shows up.
0:46 Now there are two will.i.am’s, standing on each side of Nicki, probably so they can help her keep that hat on.
0:54 will.i.am is making it clear that he doesn’t like something.
0:56 Nicki confesses to a drinking problem.
1:01 will.i.am introduces some friends of his who are dancing like they are trapped in “The Matrix”, and they are able to replicate themselves while they boogie. That’s a very nice skill to have.
1:05 The Yoko Ono’s show their appreciation for the dancers by crossing their legs all at the same time.
1:10 Now we have two Nicki’s. Is there a cloning lab in the back room?
1:13 Nicki doesn’t know what to do about the bad economy.
1:17 The Yoko Ono’s all turn and look at us. It’s very creepy, and I wish they wouldn’t do that.
1:28 Nicki decides that she needs to call a taxi.
1:33 will.i.am thinks the back of his head is very special.
1:38 will.i.am approves of something that we don’t know about.
1:45 Nicki is surprised that the hat is still on her head.
1:49 The Duelling Nicki’s pay tribute to the dancing in the “Thriller” video.
1:58 will.i.am proves that he does indeed have actual eyes under those shades.
2:04 The two Nicki’s start wearing an outfit that can’t possibly be comfortable. They try to figure out how to move around while wearing molten plastic.
2:12 will.i.am has a water bottle on his head. I’m not sure that he’s aware of this.
2:13 Nicki asks Jesus if Pizza Hut showed up yet.
2:17 The Yoko Ono’s look the other way. Good.
2:30 will.i.am uses a phrase that you will never hear on “Dora the Explorer”.
2:32 People start dancing on both the floor and the ceiling, so we can probably blame Lionel Richie for that.
2:39 Nicki has an issue with what the sun may or may not have done-done this morning. I hope she works it out.
2:46 We now have 4 will.i.am’s. If this keeps going, we might have to redraw the voting districts.
2:54 Now people we don’t even know are getting cloned. But at least they have rhythm.
3:00 Nicki still needs that taxi, people. Help her out.
3:07 Did will.i.am get to close to a nuclear reactor? He really should be more careful.
3:11 The Yoko Ono’s seem very interested in will.i.am’s new appearance. Perhaps they really like people who glow in the dark and can be used to recharge their cell phones.
3:12 will.i.am seems to be trapped between two giant speakers. He tries to escape by dancing.
3:21 Nicki is stuck on the ceiling again. Maybe she’ll have better luck getting a taxi up there.
3:34 “You must be this tall to ride this ride.”
3:44 The Nicki’s have given up on the taxi, and both of them are trying to hitch-hike.
3:52 Nicki’s necklace has come alive and is trying to eat her head.
3:54 Oh wait, she’s fine.
4:06 The guys in the audience still haven’t moved. They must have stayed out too late last night at the Unisex Bar.
4:07 Okay, they just moved, in that creepy way the Yoko Ono’s did, staring right at us. Did I mention that I don’t care for that? Stop it.
4:13 Nicki does an interpretive dance explaining the history of panty liners.
4:15 In response, the Yoko Ono’s uncross their legs. They have all the protection they need, thank you very much.
4:18 Two of the will.i.am’s and two of the Nicki’s await the arrival of the mothership.
4:22 The Yoko Ono’s clap, apparently being very familiar with spacecraft, intergalactic travel, and matching uniforms.
4:24 will.i.am types on an invisible keyboard, probably reserving his seat at the next American Music Awards, because you know he’s going to be there.
4:27 Nicki prepares to throw a football, because somebody needs to do so if the Dallas Cowboys are ever going to win a game again.
Fade to black.
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