We start out at the Libertad camp, right after they’ve sent Alina packing. NaOnka in a sidebar: She thinks Marty went too far in his attacks on Jane. (Which is true, he did, but Nay, dumplin‘, you go too far with everything, so I’m not sure that you and that thing on your head should be the one talking about this.)
We see Chase whispering to Brenda: Please tell me you didn’t buy that crap Marty was spewing. Brenda acts like she was all offended by Marty, but you know Brenda’s a sneaky one so she’s probably thrilled that it happened. Then Jane gives her a wake-up call: “Well, wait until he attacks you, honey.” Brenda should really consider this, but she’s too busy waiting for someone to hand her the money because she thinks she’s already won.
Cut to Jane in a sidebar: She has nothing but glowing things to say about wonderful Mr. Marty. Not. “He knows his days are numbered.”
Roll opening credits.
Right when we come back from the commercials, the producers unleash something on the soundtrack that sounds like a man being torn apart by wild pigs. Since we have the volume cranked so we don’t miss any important snide remarks in a sidebar, this screech-noise echoes up and down the block, with lights popping on in neighboring houses. I don’t know what that was, but they don’t need to do it again.
We see Marty and Sash doing something with a water barrel, with Marty trying to figure out which other person voted for him at the last tribal. (It was Holly.) Marty in a sidebar: “It’s frustrating trying to play the game with people that are just stupid.” Well, Marty, it’s also frustrating playing with arrogant buttheads, so that makes it a level playing field, don’t you think? Now go do something on a part of the island where the cameras can’t reach you.
Next we have folks standing around eating rice, because that’s always exciting. Marty tells Benry and Dan what the plan is (because he’s the only one smart enough to have a plan, right?). Marty wants to tell everyone that they are voting for NaOnka, to flush the Idol out, and then actually send Jane home. Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-Worthless both nod like this is the greatest plan, ever. (Of course, someone has to run up and nod Dan’s head for him, because he can’t do it on his own.)
Jane in a sidebar: Like I can’t hear you, Marty. Dumb-ass. Marty knows there’s a noose around his neck and he’s desperate. “I’d like to take him to the woodshed and whip his ass.” (Love her.)
Time for the Reward Challenge, with the winners getting to ride zip-lines and then have a nice barbecue. (When folks hear about the fixins that await at the barbecue, most of them have involuntary orgasms, especially Brenda, who apparently has a very special relationship with apple pie.) To win, your team just has to be the first to negotiate a very strenuous obstacle course, find three keys, then open three locks at the end of the run. Jeff announces that they will now randomly draw for the two teams.
Random? We end up with all the ladies on one team, and all the guys on the other, with Chase having to sit out so the teams are even. No offense, ladies, but this isn’t really fair, with such a physical challenge. The guys are already smirking, instantly assuming that they will win, so of course we have to root for the girls.
Jeff turns to Chase, and makes him pick a team to win. If that team does succeed, he gets to fly through the air and eat barbecue with them. Otherwise, nada. Chase opts to side with the women, which earns him the undying hatred of the guys. And off we go.
At first it’s really close, but since we’re dealing with things like breaking through strong brick walls, the guys eventually pull ahead. (The first time the girls hit that brick wall, they bounce right off, which would have been funny if critical things like apple pie weren‘t involved.) Dan, of course, basically has to be carried through part of the course, but the guys eventually win. And as expected, the guys give Chase all sorts of smack for not picking them.
Interesting twist: Jeff asks the guys if any of them are willing to give up their spot so one of the girls can go, with Jeff pointing out that this is a social and strategic game. The guys take one millisecond to all say no. Jeff: See that? “Whatever alliances exist, they aren’t existing right now.” Word.
Marty in a sidebar: “Watching Chase join Jane was like watching the movie “Dumb and Dumber”. (Whatev, Marty. You’re such a jerk.)
Cut to the boys riding the zip lines. They seem to be having a good time and all, except for Dan. Even when riding something designed to make him go fast, he falls apart. He doesn’t even have to do anything, which is his specialty, but he still can’t handle it, inching along like it’s jello time at the old folks home.
They finally get to the food, where Marty promptly starts babbling about his plan to trick NaOnka and send Jane home. The guys all seem to be on board, but it’s hard to gauge their true feelings when they’re all shoving sausages in their mouths. (Danny eats and drinks more than anybody, because it’s HARD WORK doing nothing all day.)
Fabio, of all people (he’s not the sharpest fool in the bed), wonders what Brenda thinks of Chase, which is a good question. Brenda is pivotal. Marty doesn’t really care, like Chase is completely unimportant. Dan agrees about Chase. (“He’s a bad horse to ride.” Yep, Dan said that. Even the cameraman stumbles when he hears Dan saying somebody else is worthless.)
Sash in a sidebar: Marty’s plan makes sense, but “Brenda and I are the two smartest minds out here. In the end, she and I have the power to send whoever we want home.” (I’d still sleep with one eye open, Sash. It’s the people who relax and get too comfortable in this game that usually get hit with a blindside. Sayin.)
Back at camp, the girls all love on Chase for supporting them. Well, except for Brenda, in a sidebar: He didn’t make a smart move. He should have went with the guys. “Chase doesn‘t make smart moves, that‘s his problem.” (Really? Can you count, Brenda? The five girls plus Chase can trump any vote coming from the five other guys. Oh, wait. You and Sash are joined at the arrogant hip. My bad.)
Anyway, Brenda aside, they all want Marty out. Holly and Chase have a sidebar where they worry about Brenda, but they end the convo with Holly saying “You gotta trust her. That’s all you can do.” (No, you actually should do more than that, but I understand that you may not have time, since it takes so long for you to shove all that hair of yours under your buff.) Chase and NoOnka chat, with Chase still worried about Brenda. Nay warns him about upsetting Brenda: “Just don’t get on her nerves.”
Chase, not listening, proceeds to do just that, cornering Brenda on the beach and grilling her, while NaOnka sits nearby and shakes her head over the stupid farm boy. Cue Brenda in a sidebar: “Chase is like a little baby, always going waah-waah-waah.”
Next we have Marty walking up with tree mail about the next Immunity challenge, which is going to be a memory test. Jane in a sidebar: “Anybody needs to win, except for Marty.” Yep. Then Jane runs off to chop wood, plow a field and shoe some horses, all before supper.
Time for the Immunity Challenge.
Basically, Jeff is going to show them several images in a row. Then the players have to show him these same images back using a multi-sided cube. As soon as you mess up, you’re out. Jane, NaOnka, Dan, Holly, Kelly and Sash all drop in the first round. Fabio (yep, he made it this far, can you believe it?), Chase and Benry drop during the second round, with Marty and Brenda being the final two alive. Brenda wins. (Jane practically explodes with joy.)
Back at camp, the scrambling begins. We start with Fabio and Benry, wondering if their plan to evict Jane will work. Fabio actually says this line: “I hate playing stupid so much.” Uh huh. Anyway, they decide to lay low and see how it goes. Next up is Marty, Dan and Chase, with Marty telling Chase it’s going to be Nay. (Marty tries using a sports analogy that doesn’t really prove anything other than the fact that Marty plays different sports than anybody else.)
Shot of Marty on the beach, looking paranoid as hell, while Jane sits nearby, plotting his death.
Chase and Holly, with Holly wondering what Marty has said to him. Chase fesses that they’re saying NaOnka, but he thinks they plan to blindside Jane. (Smart man.) Holly: “So, who are you voting for?” Chase: “I’m voting for Marty.” Holly carries on this conversation by constantly shoving fruit in her mouth, so she might have some focus issues.
Marty runs up to Brenda, presenting his plan as “Sash’s plan”. That’s what everybody wants. (Brenda in a sidebar: “I agreed to it, but Marty’s not running the camp. Sash and I are running the camp.” )
Brenda and Sash get together, where they agree that Marty would probably be a good choice, but both of them are bothered by the fact that most of the camp wants Marty gone, and they don’t like “Jane demanding things”.
Seriously, they are mad that Marty wasn’t their own decision, even though they agree with it. What the hell? How more self-involved can you get? (Me? More than ready for Marty to go, but right behind that I can’t wait to see Brenda and Sash slam up against the wall of reality. Should be fun.) Sash actually says he’d prefer that Marty stay for a while because he’s a good cook.
What is wrong with these two?
Time for Tribal.
Jeff asks several questions, but it really comes down to one thing: NaOnka completely loses her mind. She snaps at Jeff, tears into Marty (“I don’t like him!”), rips into Fabio, and basically goes on an expletive-filled rant. Jeff: “I’m speechless. Something tells me that if you can go off like this, tribal after tribal, and you’re still here, I’m expecting you to still be sitting here at the final.”
Time to vote.
Jeff asks about the Idol, and NaOnka doesn’t move. Something is up.
Jeff draws out the results.
Jane, Marty, Jane, Jane, Jane, Marty, Marty, Marty… and… another Marty. When Marty sees that fifth vote for him, the look of utter shock on his face is priceless. Smirking, Jeff reveals another vote for Marty, and that’s enough, he’s going home. It seems that Brenda and Sash decided that Marty wasn‘t that great a cook after all. (Jane winks at a grinning Alina on the jury.)
I crack a beer, because it’s time to celebrate.
In the previews for next week, everybody is standing around staring at the ground, totally shocked. Benry: “This is a day from hell.”
Roll closing credits.